NOT PERFECT - ONLY FORGIVEN♥

Valentine's Perspective

2012-02-14T13:42:00.000-06:00

Happy Valentine's day loves!!

So, as a single girl (holla!) this day can be hard on us. Probably for single guys too, but I'm talking to the ladies right now. ;) It all depends on your perspective. Hear me out for a minute...

If you're single and you hate being single and you tell God you want a boyfriend (or girlfriend for the guys haha!) then, you're not finding contentment in Him. Believe me, all I wanted was someone to hold me and it turned out it wasn't everything I thought it would be. It didn't satisfy me. I want love and satisfaction. Not one or the other.

It's sad to me that everyone finds their identity in whether they are 'single' or 'taken'. From the time us girls are knee high everybody starts talking about, "When you get married...". How are we not to put our focus on dating and marriage when you're preached that at such a young age?

We must change our focus and view(s) in life from marriage focused to God focused.

Only when we are fully focused on Him can we begin to truly be ready to share our heart with another. So if you change your perspective from, 'I'm so alone, no one is ever gonna love me, blah blah..' to, 'I have Jesus. He loves me more than anybody and has and always will be there for me.' You're not only gonna feel good on Valentine's day, but every day after. Though, you will have "lonely days", you will see the bigger picture- that God is preparing you for someone and you are where you are right now for a reason and a purpose. He's got it planned. Don't dwell on your loneliness. Move forward and dwell on His love for you and how you can share that love to other people.

Enjoy your day! Eat some chocolate ;) and share a little love with someone! :)

"I am my Beloved's, and my Beloved is mine." - Song of Solomon 6:3

Faithful Father

2012-02-13T11:46:00.002-06:00

When my parents divorced, You were there to tell me that even if my earthly father is not there, You are.

When I was angry at the world and thought nobody would ever love me, You were there to tell me over and over again, "I love you."

When I thought I was the fattest, ugliest being on the earth, You were there to whisper love and truth into my ear.

When I gave myself away to someone who never deserved my heart, You were there to pick up the broken pieces and make them whole again.

When I fail You, and fall on a daily basis, You are here to pick me up, dust me off, and carry me through it all.

You are mine forever. Never failing, always faithful. You are my faithful Father. Thank You for always being the same and never leaving.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." - Hebrews 13:8

"I am the Alpha and the Omega,”says the Lord God, “the One who is, who was, and who is coming, the Almighty.” - Revelation 1:8

Let's just love!

2012-02-12T12:33:00.002-06:00

Hey guys!! So I know it's been a while since I've blogged and that's only because I've been sick this past week. Thankfully I am finally getting better. :)

So, having nothing to do I've been sitting around thinking a lot. I've been thinking about how we as Christians should love each other. How we should love God.

A friend of mine said something that's pretty simple but totally profound. She said we'd be a lot better off if we forgot the phrase, "Hate the sin, love the sinner." and simply loved. I agree.

I was thinking about it. I know we are to love God above everything else and love each other as we love ourselves, but sometimes we get so focused on the sin in someones life that we don't even focus on the person.

I was watching the news a couple days ago and saw where a boy was beaten up because he's gay. How messed up is that?! Because he's gay???! I don't understand how we can rank people's sins when in God's eyes, sin is sin.

Our problem is, we don't love people like God does and truthfully, we don't even try. We love conditionally. Where as God loves unconditionally. Apart from God we can't truly love. With God, as we grow in Him and love Him more, His love will become our love and we will learn to love others like He does- unconditionally.

I want to love the broken, "unlovable" people. I want to be able to love someone so radically and so unconditionally and that they know it can only be the God in me.

Recently, a friend of mine said she knows someone who has basically told everyone in their life that if they didn't know Jesus then he didn't want to talk to them. This type of thinking breaks my heart. I remember a few years back a man was giving a devotional on the radio where he used a verse in Scripture and basically said that meant we didn't need to even converse with people who are "sinners". Um hello?! I am a sinner! I'm saved by God's grace, but take His grace away and I'm still a sinner. I fall short EVERY day. How can anybody think that they don't?

We must be careful not to fall into a sin with somebody because the saying is true, you can't pull another up, but they can bring you down. However, we must also be careful to not neglect sharing Jesus with everyone we come in contact with because personally, I don't want anyone to suffer in Hell forever. Is that just me? I hope not.

My challenge to myself and to you is to stop looking at people's sin. Stop looking at them and yourself and judging who is "holier" than who. Let's just love. Radical, ferocious, doesn't make sense, unconditional, love. Love like Jesus. Truly. Jesus' love changes people. It changed me. He continues to change me every day. We can't do it by ourselves. We can only love in and through Him because, after all, He is LOVE. His love makes it worth it all. Happy Sunday!

A prayer for today...

2012-02-06T10:46:00.000-06:00

God,
I thank you for raising up a generation who is tired of being content with the things of this world.
A group of people who refuses to live their lives for the fleeting pleasures of going out and partying and getting drunk and having sex with people they barely know.

Father, I pray you open the eyes of people who do not know You. That we who are followers of You will be a Light to the people who aren't. I pray we will not be afraid to step out and share You with people no matter what the cost.

I pray that we won't live comfortable lives, Daddy. It's easy to be content with life just because we're saved, but our lives are meant to be so much more than that. I pray we will step out of our comfort zones and let our faith be exercised daily.

God, I pray that the person who reads this will come to know Your overwhelming love and peace each day for the rest of their lives. I pray that he or she will see that they are created in Your image and they are beautiful. May the see their worth in Your eyes and not this world's.

Lord, I pray we won't settle for a life of worthlessness. The world has nothing to offer. May we see You offer us all we need and that You are enough. Despite what other people may think or say I pray we will be bold in our walks with You and not be afraid to tell the world we serve You, the Almighty God.

Protect us, Father. Let Your hand be upon their life and may they walk boldly knowing that death cannot touch them. That though, they will one day die here on this earth, Heaven will be open and life will be theirs forever all because of Your Son, Jesus.

Thank You, God. Thank You that You have saved us and that You are now equipping us to help bring others to You. Let Your hand move in our lives as well as the lives of the people we encounter each day. We love you.
Amen.

Breath of Angel {Book Review}

2012-02-06T10:27:00.000-06:00

I got this book because I thought the cover looked cool, but I had no idea it was going to be as good as it was.

It's a story about a girl who must find out who she really is and fulfill her destiny. This book is excellent. Well written, very suspenseful, and the characters will make you fall in love with them. :)

At first I thought the book was a little odd but the more I read, the more I enjoyed it. I would say if you're into fictional, adventures, intriguing books, you'll love this one!

Karyn Henly has a true treasure with this book. I definitely recommend you read it.

Note: This book was given to me for free by WaterBrook Publishing company for reviewing purposes.

Mistakes will be made

2012-02-04T20:08:00.000-06:00

You want to know what ticks me off? When someone falls and then everyone stands in judgement.

What brought this to mind? Glad you asked! Josh Hamilton did. If you don't watch ESPN all the time or check out the latest news in sports you probably haven't heard. I'll catch you up real quick. Josh is a recovering alcoholic and drug abuser. He went out. He had a few drinks. He relapsed (not even sure that's the right word for it). Now everyone is giving him a really hard time.

My main irritation is that he fell, and people are hating on him for it. Like their perfect? No. None of us are. I'm in no position to judge. I've had many struggles with something that has addicted me. Chances are you probably did too. Maybe still do.

The saddest and most angering thing I saw was when I went to read a couple articles online (gather the facts before you start spreading rumors) I read a few comments from people who said that they had had problems with alcohol before and that he shouldn't be put on the front page so he can whine about it while he's making millions. Um, hello? If you haven't learned that money doesn't satisfy you, I hope you learn it soon. Because money definitely does not satisfy, nor does it take care of any emotional problems. It only covers it up. Just like beer, sex, fame, drugs, food, etc. does. Sin only covers up the problems, never solves them.

We all fall.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." - Romans 3:23

All means all. You, me, your cousin, your mom, your next door neighbor, and any public figure you can think of. Every single person. Some people know that they fall while others pretend like they don't and stand in judgement of those who do. Jesus has every right to do that to us. He never sinned and yet He took our punishment, yet He doesn't do that. He doesn't stand in judgement of us (though one day judgment will come, but that's a topic for a different day), shaking His head, and thinking of us as dirt. No, He gives us a second chance. He gives us more than a second chance. He gives us life.

So why do we stand in judgement of people who have struggles? If Church is the place I need to go to when I've got it all figured out, I will never be able to go there. I will never have it all figured out. But I don't have to because my God holds the entire universe in His hands. He knows. He has it all figured out. That's really all I need to know. I trust Him.

We were all made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Famous or not. Black or white or hispanic. Young or old. Male or female. Each and every one of us is created in His image. We hate each other. We judge each other. We make fun of each other. Will we ever realize that we might be making fun of the God who made them? The God who loves them?

One mistake does not define you. Personally, I applaud Josh Hamilton for sharing with us his struggles. That's real. Some Christians would do well to take note of that. We're not perfect and if you're striving to be, you might be striving for the wrong thing. I can't make myself perfect. I just follow Christ and ask Him to make me more like Himself. I can't do that. You must accept the fact that you can't do that, either. Stop judging others and yourself for the mistakes you've made. We will all fall. Learn to take the Father's hand and stop fighting it. Stop pushing Him away. Let Him help you. Let Him hold you. Then, go and share that with someone else who thinks that they've messed up too much. Have a blessed weekend! :)

Know Him!

2012-02-03T17:18:00.000-06:00

I'm done with fleeting emotions, circumstance based, off and on again religion.

I'm coming back to my First Love. I'm in love with Jesus. This love is so crazy, but in the best way possible and it might not make sense to some people, but those who truly experience it understand it.

I am an upside down jar for the Kingdom of God. I've been praying far too long to receive when I should be praying to give. All this stuff I have doesn't compare to Jesus. I'd give it all up in a heartbeat to keep my Savior. In fact, I do give it up. It means nothing. Here today, gone tomorrow. But my God, He is here forever.

If we really knew the Lord we wouldn't go venturing back to sin and things of this world. That's the problem. We don't really know Him. We claim to, but we honestly don't. If we really knew His love for us, the life He has for us... why would we ever choose anything else? Anyone else?

I'm done with pretending to not care. The fact is, if God wanted us to not care, we'd have no emotions. We must choose carefully what we care about.
Jesus over the world. Souls over personal opinions. Etc.
I choose to care. I cannot with hold Jesus from people. Even if I try and shut my mouth, what He's doing in me just comes spilling out.

I choose to live a life of surrender because when I hold tightly to this world all I get is pushed down. With Jesus, the weight is lifted. The hurt, the pain deep within, is healed. The tears that come every night aren't flowing anymore from personal issues, but from the pain of seeing so many people without Him. Problems still come, but now I have One who gives me lasting solutions to those problems.

He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. HE LOVES YOU! I want you to know that. Forget my name, forget who I am, forget all that. If the only thing you know if Jesus, you're good in life. And I don't mean; church on Sunday & Wednesday, read the latest in Christian theology, say a bedtime prayer "know". I mean sitting in your Daddy's lap and loving on Him as He loves on you. Reading His Word not because it's the "Christian thing" to do, but because you truly love Him and want to know Him; His heart, His likes, His dislikes, His desires and so forth. Know Him like you would your best friend- except even more than that!

You are more than you know. God calls you His Son or His daughter. Accept that title. Claim it. Live your life as His. Fully, completely, totally His. Happy Friday!! Stay blessed! :)

"I will lead the blind by a way they did not know;
I will guide them on paths they have not known.
I will turn darkness to light in front of them
and rough places into level ground.
This is what I will do for them,
and I will not forsake them." - Isaiah 42:16

Sorry I'm Not Sorry...

2012-02-02T16:04:00.000-06:00

I love it when I'm struggling with something and God hits me hard with something right when I need it. He did that yesterday.

I was reading a devotional and this quote was in it from Oswald Chambers,

"We have the idea nowadays that God is so loving and gentle and kind that all we need to do is say we feel really sorry for the wrong we have done and we will try and be better. That is not repentance. The essence of repentance is that it destroys the lust of self-vindication; wherever that lust resides the repentance is not true. Repentance brings us to the place where we are willing to receive any punishment under heaven so long as the law we have broken is justified. Repentance involves the receiving of a totally new disposition so that I never do the wrong thing again."

Boom! If we tell God we're sorry and then go back and do the same sin again, that's not repentance.

That's something I've really been struggling with. Basically I've been telling God, "Sorry I'm not sorry." I'll ask forgiveness for something I did, then a little while later go and do the same thing again. My mind must be renewed and my heart must be set on Him. He must truly be the center of my life. What I must realize and what we all must realize is yes, God will forgive us, yes, He still loves us, but His Word says that if we truly love Him, our actions will show it. We will stumble and fall, but we will get back up and do our very best to not sin against Him.

Actions speak louder than words. You can say you love Jesus all day long. People might not think too much of it. Show you love Jesus and people will start to notice.

"Go and sin no more." - Jesus

Go and sin no more. Give Him all you've got. Jesus gave all of Himself to us. Will we do the same for Him? God loves you. His love does not depend on what you do. He can be nothing more or less than who He already is which means, He does not change. He will always desire you. He will always want you. But when you're dead it's too late for you to desire Him. Get yourself right now. Tomorrow is never promised.

Stay blessed! :)

Got it all together? Nope!

2012-02-01T10:56:00.003-06:00

Hey guys! Happy February! I'm gonna share some stuff that's been on my heart lately. Forgive me if it's kind of all jumbled together. ;)

How hard it is to attain "perfect".

For so long perfect was what I strived for. Today, I still struggle with being "perfect".

Let me just tell you, I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world. I'm completely okay with that. My identity is found in Christ, not my appearance.

I used to be so concerned with how I looked. Thinking that if I didn't have the perfect body, hair, makeup, etc. no guy would look my way. Turns out, when you walk by, some guy will turn his head simply because you're a female. That's just the truth.

Yeah, I got past the appearance problem. You know what came after that? Thinking that as a Christian I need to be perfect and have no struggles or problems because if I do that means I must be doing something wrong. Complete. Lie.

It's sad that so many Christians (myself included) have spent so much time trying to look perfect. As if perfect was something we're meant to attain. Maybe we've been serving 'perfect' and not God. Maybe we've been bowing down to the god of perfect and not the God of peace, love, joy, etc.

I want to be able to sit down with my brothers and sisters and be like, 'okay, here's what I'm struggleing with...' Instead of being afraid to say I've been having problems with lust, hate, loneliness, etc.

The problem, I believe, comes from thinking that if we're perfect God will love us more. News flash! God cannot love you any more or any less than He already does! Yeah, go ahead and read that again.

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift- not from works so that no one can boast."

We are saved by grace, God's grace. Through faith. Nothing else. Not our works. Not by how perfect our lives may appear.

So, let's say you do pretend you've got it all together and stuff, and everybody thinks that, but only you and God know that's not true... what good does it do? It's not like any problems go away. They just get shoved away when you're around people.

My point is, we need each other. We need God and His grace and we need lovers of Him to pray for us, talk to us, listen to us, pray with us. But if you're not real with people and are just putting on a facade, no one can share their wisdom through a situation that you're going through right now.

Let's stop faking it. Let's be real. If you struggle with something, stop trying to cover it up or fix it yourself. You need to only be quiet and let God move. We can't get through a struggle by our own power. We must realize this. Only through God can we conquer anything.

"The Lord will fight for you; you must be quiet." - Exodus 14:14

Today, if you have a struggle, don't try and shove it down and forget it ever happened. Go to God. He knows you're struggleing already. Ask for help. Then, talk to somebody. Get them to pray with you.

I don't have it all together. Every single day I fall. God picks me up. Thank You, Jesus! I'm NOT perfect. Simply forgiven. Stay blessed y'all! :)

The girl in the past...

2012-01-30T10:18:00.002-06:00

You think of me as the girl I was in the past and I'm not that same girl anymore.

People label me sweet, kind, troubled, rebellious, crazy, etc. These labels do not define who I am. They didn't define me back then (though I did think so) and they don't define me now.

If people could get their heads out of the past, both for themselves and for others, the blessings we would see in our lives would probably be mind-blowing. People don't do that, though. No, what you did in your past will follow you wherever you go. I've learned this first hand.

Everyone will believe that you have gone off the deep-end if someone tells them you're in to.. drugs, alcohol, sex outside of marriage, etc. No one will question that. As soon as your choose to follow the Lord everyone thinks you're just pretending. That there is no change there. You must not get discouraged. People will question it. Brush it off and show them that you're for real surrendered to the Lord and living for Him.

No one will believe you're legit if you keep making the same ~~mistakes~~ choices over and over again. Lauren Conrad said, "You make a mistake once, after that, it's a choice." Word! That's the truth. We say we made a mistake, but after the first time you are making a choice. Don't get upset when people don't think you're a real Christian when you keep showing them that you have no discipline over yourself and your choices.

You are not the same person you were. Stop believing the lies. We must tell ourselves over and over that we are not the same person we were. If you are after accepting Christ, do some evaluation and ask Him to take away everything that is hindering you from being the follower of Him that He desires.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look, new things have come." - 2 Corinthians 5:17

I am not the same girl I was. I have been introduced to grace by a Father who is so amazing.

I am redeemed. I am chosen. I am set apart. I am His.

My identity does not come from people. My identity is found in the Lord. So is yours. Go find it! :)

Have a really blessed Monday!

I'm following Christ... right?

2012-01-28T17:15:00.001-06:00

What does the Christian life consist of?
That's a really good question. It's been weighing so heavy on my heart recently that we who are Christians might not know exactly what we have gotten ourselves into. Allow me to explain.

Pastors, evangelists, etc. all tell people about the unexplainable joy you get from following the Lord and living for Him. It's true. I have never been more happy, more joyful, or more satisfied than when I am following my Savior. However, following Christ is hard.

Hear that? It's not all fun and games. It's not happiness and rainbows all the time. Knowing that there is a enemy attacking you every day.. there are a lot of times where I have go to my Daddy in tears because it's too much to take. He can take it though.

I feel like the Church has been trying to make everything "fun". Everything will not be fun. Having fun does not prepare you for life. Having fun all the time will not get God's will done. You can have fun while living for God, but maybe you should ask yourself a question, are you living for God or are you living for fun?

If you want to follow Christ, let me tell you that it will be one of the most rewarding, amazing, incredible, worth while journey's you will ever take. Let also tell you that it will be a life of the most difficult, confusing, and just plain hard times, too. The good does outweigh the bad. Don't get confused, but following Christ needs to be something we take seriously, not lightly.

I wish someone had told me 5 years ago that following God didn't mean saying a prayer and trying to be good after that. I wish someone had told me that it would cost me everything. Not because I've changed my mind about following Him, but because I see so much time wasted. So many opportunities missed. I don't look back though, I press forward.

When we choose to follow Christ we must realize that it means giving over every single aspect of our lives. Every. single. part. Every beautiful mess. Every ugly struggle. Everything.

Following Christ means being compelled to love what He loves and hate what He hates. Loving people, hating sin. Truly being His hands and feet not because we think it will earn our way to Heaven (because it won't) but because we truly delight in doing God's will.

"Help me stay on the path of Your commands, for I take pleasure in it." - Psalm 119:35

This life you're living is for His glory, not yours. I pray that you see that and accept His love and forgiveness and plans for your life. But I also pray that you realize that it's not something we should love in the good times, but hate in the bad times.

“You speak as a foolish woman speaks,” he told her. “Should we accept only good from God and not adversity?” Throughout all this Job did not sin in what he said." - Job 2:10

There will be struggles, more than you can count probably, but the beauty in those struggles is seeing that truly, only by God's hand can we ever truly overcome them. You might think you're winning in this life, but without God, you are failing more than you know.

Have a blessed weekend!

Stay Faithful

2012-01-26T09:02:00.000-06:00

So I have a story to share with you guys today! :D I love stories, but I really like this one because it actually happened... to me.

For the past 6 years my family has been without a car. So when we need to get groceries, we walk to the store. Not a big deal, but for 6 years.. I'd be lying if I didn't say that sometimes it does get old.

Yesterday I was walking home from the store and a man stopped me. Usually I don't pay any attention. It's either a guy wanting a number or someone who is just a creeper.

But this man was different. He opened his mouth and said something about the Lord and I knew I had to stop. So I did. The words that came out of his mouth blessed my heart like no one could understand unless it happened to them. He said,

"I've been seeing y'all walking for about a year now. You go to the store, you get your groceries, and you walk home. I want to tell you to stay faithful to God. He sees what you're doing. You're not unseen. Stay faithful to Him. You will be rewarded. I've been wanting to tell you that for a month. God bless you!"

That moment was so precious to me. I hope I never forget it. So many thoughts ran through my head. I wanted to cry because I knew God had given me the encouragement I needed just a few days ago. I love how faithful our Lord is!

That man didn't have to stop. He didn't have to talk to me. But he did. I'm sure it was uncomfortable, but he knew God had something to say to a couple people who were feeling weary. What if he had been afraid? What if he told God 'no' because it was just "too scary" or "too uncomfortable"?

You don't go un-noticed. I can promise you that. Stay faithful to the Lord. Not only does He see you, but just like that man, there are people that are watching you. The life you're living, if giving glory to God, can be one of the greatest examples and best witnessing tool you have. Don't take it for granted.

Let's also not be afraid to step out. God has been teaching me that to live a comfortable life is to not be fully surrendered to Him.

                                “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
                       and your ways are not My ways.”
                       This is the LORD’s declaration.'

-Isaiah 55:8

If I'm surrendered completely to the Lord, there will definitely be uncomfortable situations. Why? Because His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways and therefore we will not be in the situations we think we ought to be in. We will be placed in the situations circumstances He has a greater plan in; no matter how scary or uncomfortable they are.

How much do you love God? Let your life show it!

"Jesus answered, "If anyone loves me, he will keep My Word." - John 14:23

Jesus says that true love for Him is keeping His Word. Your life will show that. I can promise that. And if doesn't show it... then you're probably not following God like you think you are.

(Side note: There's more to that verse, so for sure go and check it out later.)

Be an encouragement today. Follow God with all you've got. You're not going without being seen. Even if you are, remain faithful. He deserves our very best!

Happy Thursday!

Warning

2012-01-25T10:29:00.000-06:00

Hey guys! Last night I went to this thing called 'Shake the City'. It was really good!

I'm gonna share with you something the speaker talked about last night because it was really helpful to me and something that God has already been teaching me.

So anyways, Sunday night/early morning we had tornado's come through. Here's what happened to me:

I woke up to the sound of tornado sirens at 3:00am and flipped on the TV to see where exactly the tornado was. Turned out it wasn't near my house... yet. About 45 minutes later I'm listening to the TV and the dude on there is like, "If you live in __________, _________, or _______ you need to get to your safe place now!" As soon as he said that, the power went out. I was scared so bad! My thoughts were exactly as followed... 'Oh my gosh! The tornado is right above my house. My family isn't awake good. We need to get to the bathroom. I hope we don't die. Dear, Lord, please protect us. We've never had a tornado this close before. I'm so, so scared!'

Thankfully by God's protective hand, we weren't hit. Unfortunately not too far up the road was hit really bad. It's so crazy to think that it didn't hit here, but lives were changed not too far from me. It's crazy to think how our lives can change in a flash. But that's truth. Life can change so quickly. We must not forget that.

The speaker said last night that just like we have tornado warnings to warn us, so we also as Christians must warn other people. That is the cold, hard truth. We must warn other people.

Life is short. Here one day, gone the next. You never know when you're gonna die. Yeah, no one likes thinking about that. But just because you don't think about it, doesn't mean it's not true or it's not gonna happen.

I want to warn you. I want to tell you that life really is short. I want to tell you that there is a Savior waiting to take you in His arms and hold on to you like no other. There is a God who loves you more than you or I could ever know, and He desires and longs for you. I want to warn you that if you don't get right with Him now, you may never have the chance to later. That's for real the truth.

I'm reminded of a story I heard a few years ago. There was a guy who had been living his life for himself. He didn't know the Lord. He went to a worship service one night and got saved. On his way home he was hit and killed in an accident. Can you imagine what would've happened had he not gotten saved? Where he would've gone?

We all have a choice. Heaven or Hell. The choice really is yours. You can choose the Lord and have eternal life with Him. Or you can choose Hell... and the Word tells us that it gets really hot down there. Not a place I want to go to and not a place I want you to go to either.

If you aren't saved, this is your warning. God loves you. He wants you. If you want Him, tell Him. Life without Him isn't worth living. Life with Him is how it's supposed to be.

If you are saved, you need to start warning other people. Start sharing the love of the Lord and letting people know that it's HIS love. Not yours. We can't love on our own. Only through and by God can we even begin to truly love.

I'd also like for y'all to be in prayer for everyone that was affected by the tornado's. So many people lost everything but their lives. May God bring restoration, healing, and comfort to a broken place. Love y'all!! Have a great Wednesday!

I just want to be real...

2012-01-24T10:51:00.002-06:00

I just want to be real.

I'm tired of going to church and being afraid to show that I'm struggling because when you're a Christian you're 'supposed to have it all together'. Pshhh. That's a lie.

I just want to be real.

I want to be able to cry openly when something breaks my heart and not be told to "toughen up".

I don't want to hide my emotions, the pretty ones and the ugly ones. I want to be able to share those happy times as well as those painful, angry, unhappy times, with the people around me.

We aren't robots. We were made to feel. If we weren't meant to have emotions, God wouldn't have given them to us. We are meant to feel just like we are also meant to live. I'm not gonna filter out my emotions before the Lord. I'm gonna hand them over to Him and let Him do the work because truthfully, on my own, without the Lord, I don't know what is right or what is wrong. God can show me what is true and godly, and what is a lie and ungodly.

So.. let me be real with you for a minute.

Sometimes I hate the way I look. Sometimes I spend more time on my outward appearance than I do on my inward and sometimes I think that the outward matters more (for the record, it definitely doesn't!)

Sometimes I tell God I'll serve Him and then turn around and sin against Him.

Sometimes I get so down about a sin that I think God couldn't possibly love me. Yes, He does, but lies can sound really good sometimes.

I have to die DAILY. More like, hourly. There are so many things that catch my attention and I wonder sometimes if I'll ever get it right because I can get so distracted.

Satan can creep in on you if you think you've got it all together. Let me tell you, you don't! But that's okay. Give it to God. Give your entire being over to Him. You won't be perfect and He knows that. He knows that! He still loves you and He still wants you!

Chris August knows what I'm talking about.

Let's be real with God and with each other. As the body of Christ we can encourage and build one another up if we would just share our struggles. There's no sense in hiding from God. He knows you better than you know yourself so you better believe He sees potential in you despite your flaws.

Have a blessed day! ^.^

They will call you stupid...

2012-01-23T14:04:00.002-06:00

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." - 1 Corinthians 1:18

You worship a God you cannot see and people think you're crazy.

You tell people His love satisfies every craving your heart desires, they think you're weird.

You live your life for the unseen, though in your heart's eye everything is clear. They say you're stupid.

You must not let what the rest of the world says about you, dictate the way you live your life. Words from the world are not facts, only opinions.

Sometimes I wish everyone could just see that God is who He says He is and He is so real. Unfortunately, people will see what they want to and we have all been in darkness before we came to Light.

Life seems simple at first. We live for ourselves. Look for all the happiness and pleasure we can find, but eventually it gets old. Running around in circles is only satisfying for a little bit before you want to see something new.

I know how discouraging it can be when someone says what you're doing, 'doesn't matter.' or 'makes no sense.', but we must not allow the words of others keep us from following the Word of God.

Stand strong. People will fail us, discourage us, and let us down, but God! He never fails us or lets us down. He always has your back! Let Him be your encouragement. Let the thoughts of one day hearing, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." be your motivation. His love makes it all worth it.

Happy Monday!

Your story...

2012-01-21T21:56:00.001-06:00

The wounds are deep.
I could pretend that they're out of reach, but I think that would spell defeat.
I'm supposed to be "perfect", no problems at all, dust myself off when I stumble and fall and pretend like it never happened.

My heart is never meant to broken, stolen, left wide open. I am to guard it all times, pushing those away who might try,
and take what was always "mine".

Truth be told,
the same old...
is getting older by the minute and I'm supposed forget that I am a witness in my life.
Of the routine that seems to drive me insane.

I feel alone. Truly I know I'm not, but can you explain that to my wounded heart?
Because it cries 24/7, 365, and I'm left to sit here and ponder why.

I woke up. Wiped the sweat off my head. I'm sitting still in my bed.
There He is. Always with me. He said He forgives me. I believe Him.
What reason would the King of kings have to lie to me?
Why would I even try and think that He could be anything less than True and Loyal?

I'd left Him for years, searching for approval, but the approval was only "pretty" disposal.
I was used and abused by those that I called my 'friends', yet I left the One who has always called me HIS.

I was left in shame, inside my brain, nothing made sense, until I met the One who knows me better than myself.

You may call me stupid. I call you ignorant. Though we all were at one point or another.
Let me introduce you to the One who sticks closer than a brother.
Who loves you more than your father or your mother.
His name is Jesus.
The King of Kings,
the Lord of lords,
who doesn't need guns, knives, or swords. He will win your heart, if you give Him the chance.
You can hold onto His hand and start to dance, a dance that will never end.
Eternity is in His hands. You have one chance. Get it right, before your story comes to a sad end that could've been,
one of the greatest stories ever told.

Names...

2012-01-19T19:42:00.000-06:00

Fat. Ugly. Gay. Stupid. Loser.

Only a few of a titles we give one another.

We take one look at a person and without even knowing them, we label them.

The homeless man on the side of the road. We don't know "for sure", but he's probably into drugs, or alcohol, or both.

The girl who sits alone at church, she's probably "emo", suicidal, anti - social. Probably.

We take one look at a person and judge them and then wonder why people look at Christians and call them hypocrites. Though we are not all hypocrites, there are a large portion who are.

You know I think if Jesus saw that homeless man He'd probably give him some money, and talk with him for a few minutes. Maybe just small talk, maybe something deeper.

That girl who sits by herself, Jesus would probably sit next to her. Give her a smile. And see if she needs a friend.

The problem is we all have a name, but we don't know the true one. The one that says who we really are in Christ. We all have a "title". You may be the one who calls them self a loser, stupid, ugly. Maybe you really are suicidal, but you go to church every week and pretend to be okay.

Christians are not perfect. Only forgiven. Look at the Cross. YOU are forgiven.

What if you switched those names you call other people (and maybe yourself) from...
loser, to valued.
From ugly, to fearfully and wonderfully made; beautiful.
From stupid, to loved beyond belief.

What if we saw others through the eyes of God? What if we saw ourselves through the eyes of God?

We can all be guilty of believing grace and love and mercy for other people, but not for ourselves. Grace is given to all. Jesus paid the price and now He holds out His hand with His gift and asks you to take it. Will you?

Everyone is loved. Everyone deserves to know they are loved. Gay, straight, bi, God loves us all. Though His Word clearly states that girls are not meant to be with girls, and guys are not meant to be with guys, His Word says we are to love everyone as we love ourselves. We all have things we must work out and go through. I want you to know you are loved. No matter what you've been told before. Nothing you've done or will do can ever earn the love of the Father. That's the awesome thing about it. He never changes therefore, His love never changes. I pray that makes your heart leap! Walk in His love. Stay blessed! :)

Broken with no vision

2012-01-16T11:15:00.000-06:00

I have been called a deep thinker before. In my opinion I don't think that deeply. I just refuse to filter my thoughts away from the things that make most people uncomfortable. I think if we only let our mind focus on happy and pleasing things to us, we will never find our true identity in the Lord.

That being said, the other night I was laying on my bed, crying out to the Lord, and thinking. He was speaking to me about brokenness.

I was telling Him about how my heart breaks for so many people. I told Him about how I felt broken so many times and just chose to stay broken. That's when He told me, "You allow yourself to be broken and that's good, but sometimes you just stay broken, never producing any change or growth through/in that."

I wanted to be defensive at first. Like, 'Okay, God, you might be right, but I'm pretty sure something good comes out of my brokenness... right?' Then, I was like wow. That's so true. We see the pictures of babies in Africa starving, but do nothing about it (well the majority of us at least). We see the homeless man on the side of the street and have broken hearts as we pass him by, but we never stop to see if he's alright, what he needs, or if he knows Jesus.

Brokenness without vision produces no change.

Truth. You can be broken... and only broken. But while your heart is breaking for someone else, you can choose to find God's vision, see from His point of view, and make a change.

When you get sick, what do you do? Do you continue running around 24/7, going to bed at 3am, take no medicine and just hope you get better? No. Most of us don't at least. You slow down, get some rest, take your medicine, and get better way faster than if you didn't do any of that. Same thing goes for when our hearts are breaking. If you just look at our broken world and think, 'How sad.' but do nothing about it, change nothing about it, the world will stay broken and never get any better.

I am talking to myself especially. You're not alone. There have been many times when opportunities came my way and I just did nothing. I chose to sit and be broken, but never rise up and pursue God's will and plan for healing and restoration in this world.

My prayer not only for this week, this month, or this year, but for however long I have on this earth, is that I will be broken, but have a vision, God's vision, that will eventually bring change and healing to our world. If God cares about brokenness, then so shall I. I will do something. No longer will I sit back and think about how sad it is. I will take action. Do something. Life is too short not to.

"For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead." - James 2:26

Quality over quantity...

2012-01-13T10:45:00.001-06:00

The first time I really thought about the phrase, "Quality over quantity." was when I started working out a few years ago. I was told that if I only did 25 crunches correctly, better that than 100 done the improper way.

You also hear that when people are talking about food. You know, your mom is at the store and you want some cookies that have like 50 in the package and she says, "I'll take quality over quantity.".

When it comes to reading the Bible, quality over quantity.

When I first became a Christian I thought I was supposed to read as much of the Bible as possible. So, I would sit down and read 4 - 5 chapters a day. Nothing wrong with that, except I wasn't really soaking in the Word. Sure, I read through the whole Bible in no time at all, but I really learned nothing.

I've heard some people say things like, "I'm almost done reading the New Testament." I'll ask when they started and they'll tell me like 2 weeks ago. That's a bit too fast. One of the best pieces of advice my pastor has given me is to read the Word slowly. S-L-O-W-L-Y. We don't know too much about that anymore. We want to rush through everything. Make it as fast as possible. When it comes to spending time with God, we shouldn't be rushing through it. We should enjoy His presence. If you're eating a meal and you scarf it down, you're probably not going to enjoy it too much. But when you allow yourself the time to slowly savor every bite, you enjoy it. Our time with the Lord shouldn't be rushed through, it should be slowly enjoyed, every single minute.

My advice to you, don't rush through your time with God and in His Word. Don't think that you have to read 4 chapters of the Bible every day or God is unhappy with you. He's not. He wants us to slowly enjoy His presence and really get something out of our time with Him. That's satisfaction. We are satisfied in Him.

Have a great Friday! :)

Because...

2012-01-11T13:24:00.002-06:00

I lay my head on a pillow at night and think.

I think about those girls. I don't know their names, but I feel as though I know them.

I know nothing about what they're going through, but my heart breaks thinking about it.

Why would someone be so cruel? How in the world, could someone be so cruel?

I don't understand it. It's not right. It's not fair. Nobody on this earth really seems to care. Probably because it isn't happening to them. Maybe because it hasn't affected anything around them much less someone they know. I don't have to know the person to feel a tiny bit of their pain.

My heart is breaking as we speak.

The A21 Campaign does care though. Thank God! They have stepped up and shown us, the ignorant ones, that there is so much more going on right in front of us. Watch the video below.

That video is heart breaking. It is also very eye opening. Maybe we would care more if we thought 'that could be me'. People are so selfish. Why not step up and be selfless?

From today on to January 21st, The A21 Campaign is trying to raise awareness for human trafficking. You can go to this link and pick one way to raise awareness during these 10 days. At least watch the video. One thing we can all do is pray for them. Pray for the girl right now who is being taken as you read this. Pray for God to show you a way to get involved.

Because no ones life should be deemed unworthy.

The lonely valley...

2012-01-10T12:10:00.000-06:00

I am walking in a lonely valley.

There are many people around me, yet none of their words comfort me.

No, I look to my Father and His love, His words, they bring me comfort. Still, I cannot mask the pain my heart is feeling. He knows. He knows my pain better than anyone. I trust Him. If I must walk in a lonely valley to find Him for the rest of my life, then I will.

Often times when we are alone, when we are afraid, tormented, angry, in pain, sad, depressed, hungry and hurting, we find God the most.

Why is that? Well, when we're happy we just don't depend on Him as much as we should. We think we can handle life. We think, 'I've got this.' No. You don't. We have nothing but Him. He is enough.

If He were to let us run our lives and give us the "power" we think we have, all our lives would be empty and disappointing. Thank God that He is God and will bless our lives with His power if we choose to allow Him to do so.

It's not pleasant all the time. Not at all. I want His joy to overflow through me again. To fill me up and spill over into every aspect of my life. But if I'm happy all the time and never truly know my God... what kind of life is that? What type of relationship is that? Sounds like a sad life.

I am still smiling through it all. Why? How? Those questions have crossed my mind a few times. I mean, my heart is hurting, but I'm still happy in a sense. It doesn't make sense to a person who doesn't know Love. But if you know the Lord, then you know that trusting Him is the absolute best thing you can do, and that when you truly trust Him, you can smile through the pain because you know that He will take care of it all. There will be tears, but the tears will be wiped by the very hand of God and you will know comfort. Eventually. It's a process.

Don't be afraid of lonely valley's. Don't allow your emotions to be your god. Happy, sad, joy, grief, none of those things can ever overcome God and who He is. Don't let the devil lie to you and say they can because they can't. Being sad changes nothing of how God looks at you or how He loves you. His love is unfailing. Always. Happy or joyful. Sad or angry. He is our God. Trust Him.

Have a blessed day!

Warm and fuzzy?

2012-01-09T09:25:00.001-06:00

You won't always have warm and fuzzies.

Why doesn't anyone talk about that? So when life throws you a day where you feel like garbage, you begin to think there must be something wrong with you, because a Christian; a follower of God, is not supposed to have a bad day. Right? Wrong.

It is true that you should be passionate about your relationship with the Lord and you should have feelings of warmth and happiness and joy in that relationship, but to think that it will always be that way is plain stupid.

I thought that for a while and the minute those feelings were fading and changing into feelings of depression and sadness, I began to question my relationship with God. No one told me that the warm and fuzzies wouldn't always be there.

This time in my life I have found my heart broken. Why it is broken I haven't quite figured out and believe me I will share once it's known, but this time is very trying. Can't we all just be real? I mean, honestly, I don't want to go sit down in my Sunday school class and pretend everything is okay. I want to talk about it. No, we must put on our fake smiles and our fake "Life is good" motto and never, ever begin to think that maybe life isn't that good right now. Why would anyone think that God would want us to be fake?

I am being tried severely right now. Just two weeks ago my heart was blossoming with love that overflowed so greatly for God and for other people. Now, my heart feels empty. Hurt. Deeply cut. I find myself crying out in worship instead of just singing the songs that I know are so true. Maybe that's the purpose in this time, that though everything might try and tell me not to serve God (and being a very emotional human being, if I placed too much value on feelings I might have already given up on this relationship) I will still pursue the Lord and I will still sing His praises because "feel good" emotions or not, my God is still God and He is still good. No matter what.

Prayers would be great right now. And if you need prayer for something please don't hesitate to post me a comment w/ your prayer request in it. If it is too personal for the whole world to see you can send me an email. It's on my profile.

My reminder to you, regardless of whether you're "feeling it" or not, God deserves your very best. I know it's hard when your emotions are playing with you, but don't forget the great love God has for you and that He is always with you, fighting your battles (Exodus 14:14). Have a blessed Monday! :)

Be ALL In

2012-01-07T14:34:00.000-06:00

This fasting thing is harder than I thought it would be. Like way harder.

I decided to fast Facebook, Twitter, Dr. Pepper (for those who don't know me personally.. there is a HUGE addiction to that stuff ;) ), sweets (cake, candy, pie, ice-cream, etc.), and any secular music.

Fasting Facebook and Twitter isn't too bad, I needed a break from that stuff. The secular music was mostly country stuff anyway so I don't miss that too/too much. The sweets... oh goodness I had no idea how dependant upon them I was until I told myself I couldn't have any.

So some people have asked me recently why I'm fasting. Plain and simple, I want to get closer to the Lord. Also, fasting helps us to see that God supplies all of our needs. So even though you might find yourself dependant on certain things, once you take them away, you'll see that through God you can do anything.

I find myself sometimes thinking, 'Hmm.. I can totally cheat on this fast and no one will know.' I mean no one is watching me that closely. Then I remember I am doing this for God. And while no one around me may know, He would. I think about how if someone was doing something for me, I wouldn't want them to go back on it later simply because it brought up some trials.

Side note: If whatever your fasting causes you to become more distracted than focused on God, then you need to find something else to fast and work your way up to whatever it is. No focus = no awakening in your life.

My reminder to you today is whether you be fasting now or later, or doing something else for the Lord, or just living your life day to day, let your heart be all in. Don't hold back. Jesus didn't hold back on the Cross, we shouldn't hold back in our every day life.

Have a blessed Saturday! :)

"Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men." - Colossians 3:23

Read this...

2012-01-05T09:34:00.003-06:00

I just wrote yesterday about how deceptive your heart can be, but this post explains it way better,

http://goodwomenproject.com/emotions/your-heart-is-not-your-enemy

Be sure to read that. It was something I needed to read and be reminded of that our heart is simply an indication that underneath, something is wrong.

Happy Thursday! ^.^

Awakening {Book Review}

2012-01-05T09:20:00.000-06:00

Awakening by Stovall Weems

I wasn't sure about this book at first. I thought it was going to be another lame, self help book that everyone reads, but nobody does what it says. That is not the case for this book.

I didn't read the back of this book until I got it. I wouldn't recommend doing that normally, but it worked out really well this time. ;) I saw that this book was on fasting which was something I was kinda like.. 'umm... maybe this book isn't for me' at first. Then, I started reading it and Stovall Weems is such a wonderful, easy to read, yet profound writer!

Stovall talks about how important it is to fast and how Jesus talked about it and how important it is for us to just rest. Having just gotten into fasting this past year, I can say many times when the world got me down and I just took a break from everything my life became more blessed. From Facebook, twitter, phone conversations, etc. I found more of God in that time.

I encourage you to pick up this book. It's blessed my heart a lot and I think it will bless yours too.

Side note: I have started my 21 day fast today. More about that later. I'll be keeping you up to date with what the Lord teaches me during this wonderful period. :)

Have a blessed Thursday everyone!

Note: This book was given to me for free by WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing company for reviewing purposes.

Lead your heart, stop letting it lead you...

2012-01-04T17:48:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I wish I didn't have a wandering heart. That my heart would just desire one thing and stick with it. That my heart would just desire Jesus and stay with Him and never look else where for satisfaction that can't be found.

However, my heart doesn't do that on it's own.

Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable- who can understand it?" HCSB

I have experienced my heart's deceptiveness over and over again. My heart has misled me so many times. Can't blame my heart though. It doesn't know any better. Really, it doesn't. I do. It's my job to lead my heart in the way it should go.

I was spending time with Jesus yesterday and began reading Proverbs 2. I encourage you to go read that full chapter. As I had just begun reading, I came across verse 2. I also went back to it a couple times. God was speaking through it to me.

"...listening closely to wisdom
and directing your heart to understanding;" - Proverbs 2:2

Now before Bible scholars attack me, I am a huge believer in reading the full context of Scripture which is why I encourage you to read the whole chapter. However, for this post I am focusing specifically on what I was studying yesterday.

So, I listened to God explain to me that wisdom is something that doesn't just come to me. It is something I must listen for; intently. Further on in Proverbs 2 it talks about wisdom is something we must seek like silver. You will not wake up one day and be a wise man or woman. If you want to have godly wisdom you must seek it, listen for it, and look for it.

After that, God hit me in the gut. He began speaking to me about how I must direct my heart. It won't go where I want it or He wants it, if I let it have free reign. So many times I've wondered why different things my heart desired so much, God didn't want for me. It was just that He has so much better in store for me. For you too. Which is one of the main reasons we must learn to tell our heart no. Certain things are not good for us or for our relationship with the Lord and just because it is your hearts desire does not mean it is God's desire.

Reminder for the day: don't let your heart lead you. Lead your heart. Lead your heart towards God and towards all His plans for your life. Don't be deceived. Your heart will do that to you. God won't. He is not deceptive. He is who He says He is. Be blessed! :)

The last year of your life?

2012-01-03T22:04:00.003-06:00

I was reading my devotional a few days ago. Of course the topic was on the new year and what we are going to do and so on. Then, at the very end it asked this question,

What if 2012 really is your last year on earth? How will you live?

Wow. That blew my mind. I mean we have all heard of those people who pretend they know when the world is going to end even though the Word already says no one knows the time or date. But what if, not in a "the world is ending" type of way, but in a, "Jesus is coming back!" way, this was your last year? How would you live it?

I thought about that question and have been thinking about that question off and on for about... well ever since I read it. It's been driving me. Challenging me. If this was my last year on earth, I want it to be different. In a good way of course. I want to live all out for God. I realize now that that is how we should always live.

I don't want to look back at the end of this year, be it my last or not, and think, 'well... this was just like every other year. No consistency. No radical living. No constant pursuing. Just me, being selfish, hateful, unforgiving, and dumb.'

I want to look back and say that while it wasn't perfect, while I did stumble and fall, while I did fail the Lord, I got up, took His hand, and continued walking in His ways and being His hands and feet.

What about you? If this was your last year on earth, how would you live it? Seriously, I'd like to know. What would be one thing you made sure you did every day consistently? If you don't have an answer to share now, that's okay. But make sure you think about it. Will you give God your all this year, or think that though, tomorrow is never promised, you'll get it right "later"? Later may never come.

Have a blessed night everyone!

Thoughts, feelings, and the Holy Spirit speaking...

2012-01-02T10:56:00.000-06:00

Pressure.

Sometimes I feel so pressured. Like the whole world is looking at me. Are they? I accept my role as a leader, as a follower of Christ, as someone who is to be a reflection of Him. At times that role seems too much. I press on.

I feel like people are constantly watching me. If I mess up, the whole world gasps and looks at me with shame. Obviously that's not true, but it feels that way. Emotions are not facts, they are mere feelings. I must remind myself.

One of my greatest fears is that people will follow me more than they will follow God. Don't look at me and think that this, my life, is the way all Christian lives must be lived. It's not. God has a unique plan for us all. Everyone is not called to Africa or Haiti. Everyone is not called to be a pastor (however we are all called to be a minister of the Word, but that's a different thing). Everyone is not called to be _______ fill in the blank. My life is no more anointed than yours. If you accept the calling of God you'll see that. Everyone can be obedient, however everyone who is called won't be obedient to that calling.

I am not perfect, only forgiven.

Perspective.

Perspective changes things. A lot of things. For example, yesterday was a little rocky. While getting ready to throw myself a pity party I had a thought that could only have come from the Holy Spirit and He said to me, "So one person may not like you. That's nothing compared to the girl being sold into sex trafficking right now." Boom! That broke my heart and me.

Something God is teaching me is that my life is best lived with the focus off myself. Looking to Him first, and then, to others. I'm slowly learning that when I encounter a worry or a problem, I need to pray to God for guidance and help, ask others to pray for me, and then ask others how I may for them. Too much of the world is focused on the 'me' factor. That will not be my life. I said goodbye to the world and I will not go back. I will love and care for the people around me and not because I need to, not because I'm better than anybody else, but because Christ lives in me and He loves everyone. Only by Him am I able to do anything. Period.

A reminder to you today, even if yesterday wasn't the ideal beginning to 2012 you wanted, every day is a day for change. A day to be more who God has made you to be and you cannot do that without Him and His help. Let today be better than yesterday. Let Him move and work in you. May your love for Him not depend upon your circumstances, but because you love Him because He first loved you. Have a blessed day, beautiful people! :)

2012 is here!

2012-01-01T10:09:00.000-06:00

Well last night we said goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012... or did you?

Let me give you a piece of advice that I've learned. Clinging to your past does you no good. It just distracts you from your future. So you made some mistakes last year. We all did. Move past it. Correct what needs to be corrected and move forward in the life that God has planned for you.

That being said, I'm so thankful to see what God has in store for me and the amazing people around me this year!!! I know that this year will be even better than last year.

Some people don't like to make resolutions because, and I quote, "It feels so bad when you break them." Okay, just because you mess up once, doesn't mean you give up. Personally, I am a huge fan of new years resolutions. I think dreaming is something God wants us to do. And not just dreaming small dreams, I know He wants us to dream big, beautiful, impossible without Him, type of dreams.

So here are a few of my resolutions for this year:

Grow even closer to the Father.
Love other people more deeply.
Hold nothing back.
Stop running away from problems and instead seek His solutions.
Go on another mission trip.
Be the hands & feet of Jesus (serve more).
Share Christ's love in everything that I do.
Find one person to mentor.

Those are just a few. There are many, many more. What about you? Did you make any resolutions? If so, what are they? Please share in a comment below! Happy New Year everyone!! Can't wait to see where God takes us! ^.^

What I Learned in 2011: Never give up!

2011-12-31T12:03:00.000-06:00

2011 brought many, many trials and tests. I failed so many of them. However, I did win a few with the help of my Savior. :)

In 2011 I learned to never give up.

I've always been the type of person who knew what I wanted and did absolutely everything in my power to get what I wanted. That was, until my teenage years hit. Suddenly everything went down hill. I no longer wanted anything simply because I wanted it. It had to be what everyone else liked and desired. Then I would like and desire it too. I lost my drive. Mostly because the things I was forcing myself to like were things I was not passionate about. No passion = no drive. No drive = going nowhere.

This year throughout all the trails and tests I learned what I did want. What I liked. I learned that I love Jesus a lot. I learned that I want what He wants and truly that all my passion and desires are found in Him. I learned that when I'm passionate about what He's passionate about, the world changes.

There came a time this year.. around May I think, that life seemed to be going nowhere for me. I was so beyond ready to give up. I contemplated taking my life. I called a couple people hoping they'd talk me out of it. Got the usual, "Pray through it. You're in my prayers." and don't get me wrong, now I see how Awesome God is and how powerful He is, but at that moment I was thinking anything but that. I did what they told to anyways. I prayed. I was so tired. Emotionally I was worn out. My body was tired. Everything within me was just ready to go to sleep and never wake up.

BUT GOD, He did something within me. He told me not to give up. To keep pushing. To keep pursuing Him. To stop trying to be perfect and to just be in Him. To show my brokenness, hopelessness, hatred, tears, all of that, and lay it down at His feet. I did just that. My life will never be the same.

We are about to start a new year. I'm thankful that 2012 will be fresh and new and I'm positive and hopeful it will be even better than this year. However, you don't have to wait for a new year to change. I think we all do that too often.

You might be tired. Really tired. And life may seem like it's not worth living. Like it's not worth. Like there is too much going on for you to ever possibly get through it. Those are all lies! Satan is the father of lies! Don't believe him. You have a purpose and plan on this earth. God has got you. Let Him love you. Let Him lead you. You will never regret following Him. Ever.

Happy New Years Eve everyone! Have a blessed and safe one! ^.^

What I Learned in 2011: Everyone has a story

2011-12-30T09:55:00.000-06:00

The man at the coffee shop. That girl at the gym. The "thug" on the side of the road. The homeless man under the bridge. The single mother across the street.

In 2011 I learned everyone has a story.

We think that some of the people we come in contact with are just rude people. Some people are. However, I try and remember that you never know what a person might be going through. Or what they went through to get where they are. Maybe that cashier at Walmart is grumpy because before he came to work he found out that he has cancer. Or maybe the lady that seems to be all up in your business is just checking up on you because she's been down the same path before. You never know.

It's so easy to "judge a book by it's cover". To take one look at a person label them. This year I have been taken on a journey. I have lived life for myself (before) and now I live for the Lord. I have been the girl who judged others. I have been the girl other people judged by the 'evil' things she's done. Which is why I really try to make sure I don't do that to other people.

It hurts when people don't even get to know you and they're talking about you behind your back. I see stories of people committing suicide. I had a friend do so earlier in the year. How much pain must you be going through to do that? Did anybody care? Were there a lot of glances exchanged every time he or she walked into a room?

Everyone has a story. You have a story. Whether you've been told or not, you have a purpose on this earth. Your story matters. Your life matters. God has something very specific for you to do. I don't know what it is and you might not know what it is, but that doesn't mean your purpose is any less significant because God knows. He'll reveal to you what you are to do at the right time. Don't believe the lies. You do have a purpose.

Before you go judging someone, why don't you remember that they may be going through something really hard right now. Spread the love. Share the love. Pray for them. Pray with them.

Have a blessed Friday! :)

What I Learned in 2011: God is my first love

2011-12-29T10:23:00.000-06:00

I want love. I want to be loved every day of my life. For a while, I just wanted a guy to love me. The beginning of this year I was begging God to let me have just one relationship with a guy. I got what I wanted. Love from a human being doesn't satisfy.

In 2011 I learned that God is my first love.

For years I have sought love from a male. Maybe it's because my father was never active or present in my life. Maybe it's because we are born with the desire to be loved by the opposite sex. Whatever the reason, that desire grew a little more each year.

When we begin to seek love from anything or anyone other than God we are getting ourselves into trouble. I ~~lost~~... left my First Love for 7 months. I went out into the world and I found all that I was hoping to find, except it wasn't what I thought it was. Everything I found just wasn't enough. It didn't satisfy me, it didn't help me, it didn't fill me up or help me spill over all that's within me. I was so lost.

God didn't give up on me though. God never gives up on us no matter what. He is the constant pursuer. You'd think that with the great amount of love He gives us, we wouldn't run away. I mean, I don't know of any guy that would love me even when I spat in His face. Ohhhh, but Jesus does. ^.^ <3

I came back to my Lord. Broken and in need of major healing. He welcomed me back with hugs and kisses and for the first time I really and truly felt love. Not only did I feel it, but I wasn't second guessing whether it was real, or enough, or even there. No. Because God's love is very real and authentic and forever. His love satisfies me more and more each day. His love has filled me up so much that it just spills over into every area of my life. I am learning to love people with and through His love, not my own.

My desire for a man is still there. I haven't given up hope that God might have someone out there for me to marry. However, I'm not running out trying to find a guy to fill the void anymore. The void is filled. My heart is filled. My life is filled. Everything I ever hoped for has been found in my Savior. I am so thankful.

You might be seeking love. Chances are if you don't know Jesus, you are. My prayer... the cry of my heart is that you seek Him and His love and not love from a girl or from a guy. God is our First Love. Our Forever Love. He never leaves and never fails. Even an amazing husband or wife will fail. Not our Lord. We cannot love truly until we know Love itself and that is God.

"And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him." - 1 John 4:16

That's my prayer for us all. Have a blessed day! :)

What I Learned In 2011: How to forgive & ask forgiveness

2011-12-28T11:37:00.000-06:00

For the first 12 years of my life I withheld forgiveness from every person who had ever hurt me. No lie. No joke. I didn't know that it was only hurting me. That these people I was absolutely convinced were dying a little each day because I hadn't forgiven them, simply didn't care.

In 2011 I learned how to forgive.

I've always been in church. I've heard, "if you don't forgive you won't be forgiven." many times. Those were simply empty words on a page that meant nothing to me until I finally understood.
No forgiveness = no salvation. No salvation = no Jesus and no Heaven.

In the middle of the year, when I came back to the Lord completely, I had a lot of stuff that needed to change. He took me by the hand and led me day by day to what I needed to do to make things right. The first step was to forgive all the people who had hurt me.

That took a while. A lot of people believe (typically people who are in church) that forgiveness is something that should be simply a few words spoken, "I forgive you." and you've forgiven them. Not. True. Forgiveness is a process. If I tell someone I forgive them and I don't, and it only took one day, that's one day wasted. If I tell someone I forgive them, 3 months later, and truly do forgive them... all that time was worth it.

So after 3 months of going through every little thing that's hurt me by several people, I truly forgave. That doesn't mean just because I forgave them I allowed some of the people who weren't good for me back in my life. If you don't help me draw closer to the Lord and actually push me further from Him, you're not in my life. Not because I hate you or don't forgive you, but because God comes first to everything and everyone else.

Then came probably the hardest thing I've ever done before... asking forgiveness from other people.

In 2011 I learned to ask forgiveness.

After praying for a week, God showed me so many people I had hurt. One by one I went to each person and asked forgiveness. Most of them showed me mercy and forgave me, still some people didn't. Understandable. I pray that some day they can forgive me, not for my conscious sake, but for their soul's sake.

It's hard to swallow your pride and ask forgiveness... but it is something that needs to be done. There is power in forgiveness for us all. Without it, who would or could ever be saved? That's right. No one.

Stop holding onto the past. Those hurts and pains are very real. But it's time to get over it. Pray and seek His face and ask Him for His help to forgive other people. I definitely could not have forgiven anyone without His help. Ask the Lord to show you people you need to ask forgiveness from. Have a blessed day!! ^.^

What I Learned in 2011: About Choices

2011-12-27T11:54:00.000-06:00

I've always made the easy decisions. The obvious choices. Why? Because I didn't want to be uncomfortable or make a choice that will hurt me or someone else. I mean, come on, who would actually choose to make the hardest decision as opposed to the easiest one?

In 2011 I learned that sometimes the hardest decisions are the best ones.

There have been many times this year that opportunities came up for me to do something for the Lord that was a lot uncomfortable for me. So I came up with excuses about why I couldn't do it and how ill equipped I am and made the easy choice, declining.

It was easy to say no to the things that I feared, the things that were uncomfortable, the things I wasn't good at. A lot of the choices were the wrong ones, however I did learn from them.

But it wasn't just saying no to opportunities. I had to say yes or no to the more complicated things. Relationships (friendships), family issues, what to do about certain problems that didn't just involve myself. There were quite a few things I had to make a decision on towards the middle/end of the year. There were a lot of easy ways out. So many. In fact, most people in my life were telling me to say yes to the easy ways out because they didn't want me to be in pain, which is nice, but not always helpful.

I made a few extremely hard choices. I learned that sometimes the hardest decisions are the best ones. When I said no to my comforts, obvious happiness, extreme joy, easy life... and said yes to the uncomfortable, painful at times, extremely frustrating at times life, I found extreme joy and happiness. I found so much more than I ever thought possible.

I learned to seek God's will in my life and not my own. I learned to stop asking other people's opinions and then taking it as my answered prayer to do exactly what that woman of God or man of God told me to do whether it was truly God's will or not. I learned to fully ask God what He wanted and to simply do, be, live whatever or however He wanted/wants.

When we pray and seek God's decisions in our lives and stop trying to force ourselves into ideal situations, we are far more blessed than we could ever be on our own.

Instead of seeking the easy way out of everything, get on your face, pray and seek His will, and you just might find that though the decision may be one of the hardest ones you've ever made, and the choice you're making may not be what you really want, it will be a lot easier with Him by your side and obeying His will as opposed to your own.. Be blessed! :)

What I Learned in 2011: Live Life

2011-12-26T11:00:00.001-06:00

This week I'll be writing posts on different things I learned this year. Hope you enjoy! :)

At the start of the year I had many hopes and dreams. So many. However, they slowly got put to rest as the year picked up pace and my heart desired one thing... to be loved and pursued by someone... other than God.

My "wish" eventually came true and I ended up going so far away from Jesus that He could have been standing right in front of me and I wouldn't have known. I fell hard.

My thinking during that time was that if I could just get that one thing I always wanted then I would need nothing else. I wasted precious time that could have been spent with my Father, waiting and hoping and eventually getting, what I thought I needed.

In 2011 I learned to live life.

I've always been the girl who was waiting and hoping, waiting and hoping. I put everything on hold to get whatever it was that year that I desperately wanted. This year the Lord showed me that life is meant to be lived. Not living for the temporary or the sinful pleasures of the world, but living for Him and the life that only He can give.

I used to be the one would say, "My life will be amazing when....", "If _______ happens then I will be happy...". It turns out that all those when and then's that I focused too much attention on just didn't satisfy me. If they came to pass then I would be entertained for a little bit and then get bored again and go searching for something else.

Waiting for the temporary things aren't worth it. Waiting for fame, fortune, happiness, love in the future and not accepting the love and happiness and joy and extremely rewarding life that comes from the Father now... that's a waste of a life.

If you waste your whole life waiting for the perfect job, the amazing wife, that perfect man, etc. you'll eventually stop looking and seeing anything good because you're constantly seeking something that may be years and years away. That's coming from personal experience. I'm not saying don't dream. You should dream big dreams and hope for things that everyone else may say is impossible, but don't put your life on pause while you're waiting. Use your time wisely. Spend it getting to know the Father and letting His love overwhelm everything in your life.

Happy Monday! ^.^

Christmas morning...

2011-12-25T15:39:00.001-06:00

Christmas morning...

It used to mean getting up at the crack of dawn, running into the living room and begging my mom to let me open my presents right then. It used to mean stuffing my face until I couldn't anymore. It used to be all about getting and not at all giving.

Christmas morning this year...

I have an indescribable joy knowing that I celebrate my Savior's birth on this day. It means giving to everyone, including my Jesus. It means being thankful for all that I already have.

This Christmas morning is different from all the rest. I have realized the beauty of my Jesus and the beauty of my family. It's beautiful. Magical. Wonderful. I am so thankful to be blessed enough to have such an incredible family and such an incredible life.

Instead of focusing so much on things, try focusing on Jesus. There are no amount of things that can ever compare to Jesus and the indescribable joy you experience through Him. I pray today that you know that joy.. and if you don't then I pray You seek Him and find Him.

Merry Christmas everyone!! Blessings! :)

Saturday's post...

2011-12-25T15:37:00.004-06:00

This post is from yesterday. No confusion, I am well aware that today is not Christmas eve. ;)

Merry Christmas eve everyone!!! ^.^

So I've been thinking a lot recently about people around Christmas time. Of course nearly everyone is happy and joyful. Selfless and giving. Peaceful and loving. However, I'm sitting here wondering about all the people who are hurting this Christmas. All the people who are lonely, sad, depressed, homeless, poor, cold, hungry, dying just to have a nice hot shower before the year goes out.

How is it that it seems the only time people give to others less fortunate, is during Christmas? Or the only time we really sit down and talk to someone and truly listen to them as they pour out theirs heart is during this time of year? Are our hearts so hardened that we don't care for the people who are hurt and dying? Who need a Savior? Who might thoroughly enjoy a hot meal, new clothes, and maybe a haircut and not just during Christmas?

I think about the families grieving over the loss of loved ones. I can name off at least 5 or 6 right now. If those are just a few of the people I know are hurting... how many others do I not know about?

How would it feel to know you were forgotten? On Christmas nonetheless? Tomorrow many materialistic people will sit down and be merry as they receive more than they gave throughout the entire course of this year. I'm not pointing fingers.. that person was me not too long ago. Since then God has opened my eyes and shown me how very wrong I've been. Now, I see that it is a greatly larger blessing to give to someone, than to receive.

Don't forget about the people who will be crying themselves to sleep tonight because their heart has been broken over and over again. Or the person who has no place to lay his head because he's got no home.

Just remember tonight, when you lay your head down on a pillow, to thank God above for the blessings that you already have! Pray for those who don't have as much. As a song I heard earlier today said, "I count blessings instead of sheep." I like that. Pray for those who would rather have a healed heart, than a brand new car. Material stuff can't heal. Jesus can!

Selfless...

2011-12-21T23:55:00.001-06:00

So continuing 5 things I've learned from the birth of Jesus here we are at...

Day 2!

So this is something I've been thinking about a lot... being selfless. What does it look like? How does my life display it right now? What can I do to be more selfless? Maybe it's because it is Christmas time and everyone is in the giving mood... I believe it's because God is teaching me something much greater.

What do you think would have happened in Mary had been selfish? What if she decided she would deliberately disobey God because she wanted to be "favored" in the eyes of man rather than in the eyes of Him? What if she wanted to be seen as "cool" or "popular"? She couldn't be seen as that if she was having God's Son. No one believed her and everyone just thought she slept around with someone. Nope. She would be seen as very uncool and extremely unpopular.

What about us? If you continue in your selfish ways you can miss out on all God has for you. He has been breaking me of my selfishness. I have been seeing life through His eyes... how great it is when I deny my flesh and become obedient and live my life according to His will and plan.

Mary and Joseph urge me on each day to stay obedient. God blessed them so greatly for their obedience and allowed them to be a part of one of the greatest love stories ever!!! Will that be you? Will that be me? I pray it will. Blessings! :)

Faith trumps fear...

2011-12-20T18:00:00.001-06:00

For the next 5 days I will be blogging about something I've learned from the story of the birth of Christ.

Day 1:

When reading about how the birth of Jesus came about we hear about a girl named Mary (who was probably 14) and who was told she was gonna give birth to the Son of God. She was engaged to Joseph. We can stop right there for a minute.

Can you imagine being told that you were gonna have God's Son? Much less you're gonna be (obviously) pregnant?! You're engaged... you're still not married... and the man knows it's not his child and even if it were, everyone still looks down on you. That's scary. She could be stoned for that. Killed. Dead. Never coming back. At 14.... I would have begged God to pick someone else.

Not Mary. She's such an example of faith to me. Sure, she was probably very scared. Anyone would be. However, she basically said, "even though I'm scared out of my mind and don't know where all this will lead me, I trust You, Father. I trust You have a plan, You will protect me, and You will make all this work out."

Thinking about that makes me want to swallow my fear and let faith shine through. Sometimes I shy away from doing certain things because I'm scared. What if what I do is...
wrong, stupid, everyone hates it, everyone hates me for it, I get talked about, etc.
There are many possibilities as to why I'm afraid, but if it's God's will for me to do something... I want to say without a doubt, "Yes Lord, may it be to me as You have said. I am Your servant. I follow You."

May my faith trump my fear. May faith trump your fear as well. If you say no to God and His will you could miss out on something beautiful (maybe not quite as spectacular) like the birth of God's Son! Shine your Light! :)

I see hope...

2011-12-17T19:46:00.002-06:00

Last night I went with a friend Christmas shopping and on our way home we went through an area that I've never seen before.

I live in what some people call the "ghetto". I don't think it is, really. I like it a lot. The people around me are wonderful. Some might be rough around the edges but that's all of us if truth be told.

While we were driving around I saw huge houses decorated to perfection with Christmas lights everywhere. It was beautiful. A little bit breathtaking. But the most amazing part of the night for me was driving up this hill that overlooked the city. I could see everything. Everyone. Okay... I couldn't really see any people, but it felt like it. ;)

That moment was very special to me. Sometimes being around the same place with the same people and seeing no change can be... hopeless. Recently I've felt like there is nothing that will change around here. In that moment... seeing all the city lights.. how much bigger the world is... I saw hope. I see hope. God was whispering, "Greater things have yet to be done in this city." I believe God will allow me to be a part of those 'greater things'. I am very thankful for that. :)

Christmas time shouldn't be the only time we find peace, hope, and joy. However, I am here to remind you now that there is hope for whatever situation you may be in. God is with you, by your side, through the easy and tough times. Cling to Him. Have a blessed weekend! :)

They will try and take your smile...

2011-12-12T09:19:00.000-06:00

Everybody doesn't like you. Everybody will never all like you. That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Sometimes it means that there is something RIGHT with you. "The world will hate you because of Me."

Last night was probably one of the hardest nights of my life. For real. And there have been some pretty intense moments. I was about ready to come unglued. Why is it that when we go to church, the place we are to build each other up and encourage, it seems to do the least of that? It's not just my church, every church is like that. There are hypocrites everywhere, but seriously sometimes I just want people to be real and genuine. Stop putting on that fake face and just be yourself. No cliques, no divisions, no hatred or unforgiveness, just God's people loving one another and trying to spread His Word throughout the world.

The world will try and take your smile (that's the 'they' in the title), but we don't have to let them.

I would say I'm pretty real. I try to be nice to everyone, show love to everyone, but sometimes people think that the girl who is always smiling, the girl who is always nice, is to be pushed over. My thoughts from last night,

Is it my smile that makes you angry? Is it my joy in the Lord that makes you want to trip me? Am I doing something wrong? Lord, what am I doing wrong? Did I hurt him? Did I hurt her? Why is this so hard? I can't smile right now.

My smile was gone. It had been ~~taken~~.. or maybe rather given up to a bunch of people who really didn't even notice. Yep. Fail.

God has been working on me all night, even when I was sleeping He has been speaking over me. He's been reminding me that the world will hate me because of Him. He has been teaching me that forgiveness is always the answer and that love (His love) overcomes all. I can't let a few people who are just hypocrites take me down. You can't either.

You'll hear this saying a lot in your life (probably already have), "Just ignore them." but sometimes that's just not good enough and really, it's not real. You can't ignore everyone. Some people really know how to dig deep into your soul and find the one sore that is still raw and jab some salt into it. Stand strong. Instead of "ignoring them", stand strong in God's love.

When someone intentionally hurts you, forgive them, move past that, and stand strong in His love.

When someone goes behind your back and does something you told them not to, forgive them, move past it, and stand strong in His love.

When everyone seems to be against you, forgive them all, move past it, and stand strong in His love.

Remember that "if God is for us, then who can be against us?". Remember that His love trumps all worldly things and matters. Keep your chin up. Just because the world will try and take your smile doesn't mean you should give it up.

Happy Monday y'all!

To you... yes.. YOU!

2011-12-09T16:43:00.001-06:00

Hello! So I love writing letters and this one is to you! I think you need to know you're thought about and important and that you deserve something done for you every once in a while. This is just a small thing I can do. :)

You have a purpose. Stop believing those lies from all the people who tell you you can't do anything. You're not "important enough" or "special" enough. God made you for a specific purpose that only you can do. Stop telling yourself you can't or you're not good enough. You aren't good enough on your own, but because you are His you are good.

You are a son or daughter of the Most High. Act like one. Respect yourself. Stop giving yourself away over and over to people who don't even deserve you. Who cares if they don't like you for it? God will bring people into your life who deserve to be there. Stop letting what people think dictate who you become. You aren't too dirty. You aren't worthless or a piece of junk. Stop believing those lies.

"He who is without sin can cast the first stone." Many people forget this. Don't you. Don't point out other people's flaws just to make yourself feel better. And when other people do this just remember that "Hurting people, hurt people." Gently help them out. Pray for them. Give them verses that will help them realize that they don't need to hurt someone to make themselves feel good. They just want someone to love them, and when they don't get that they think no one else should feel loved either. I was that person for a while. God changes hearts.

Okay, yeah you want a girl or a guy, just somebody to love. That's cool. However, until you get right with God it won't work out. You can't be completed by someone who wasn't meant to complete you. That spot for God can't be filled by a person. Only by Him. Stop forcing things to happen in dating relationships. Spend some time with the Savior and when He says you're ready the right person will come along. How will you know? God will tell you! :)

You are special. Chosen. Called. Loved. Beautiful. Wonderful. Read His Word. You'll find these things out. Find your identity in Him. I mean, after all, your real and true identity is in Him anyways. I love you. I might not know you, but you're my brother or sister and just because of that I love you. He loves you too. Wayyyyyyy more than me. Don't forget that. Keep your head up!!

Have a great weekend! :)

A gift given without knowing...

2011-12-07T09:57:00.001-06:00

I sat on the swings and watched a mother with her daughter.
She was teaching her daughter how to slide. The little baby just wasn't understanding it.
After about 5 or 6 tries the baby girl finally got it. She began sliding all by herself.
The mother then began to jump up and down and scream, "Yes! She did it!". I smiled.

While I was walking away God began speaking to my heart. Touching the very core of me.
He told me that that's how it is when He's trying to teach us something and we just aren't getting it. Once we finally get it I think He looks at us and says, "Yes! She finally got it! That's MY Child." :)

That lady didn't know it, but she gave me a gift without even knowing it. I'd been needing a reminder of my Daddy's love that day and seeing the way she interacted with her daughter blessed my heart so much.

Parents don't realize how much of an example they are not only to their children, but also to the people around them. There is something to be said for someone who loves their child regardless, disciplines them lovingly, and does everything they can to be a better parent each day. Those people are my examples of godly parents. I pray when I get older I could be such a person to my child.

Of course it's Christmas time and everyone is talking about giving. Today remember that maybe you don't have to go completely out of your way to bless someone (though be willing to do so) that maybe just your example will be a reminder to them of love, peace, joy, and hope.

Remember that we are to be giving and serve not just during this time of the year but all throughout the year. Have a blessed day loves! :)

If all I can be is obedient...

2011-12-05T09:53:00.001-06:00

I sat comfortably around my friends. Around the people I call my Brothers and Sisters.
And I watched.

I watched a man with deep pain in his eyes tell people he lives in Japan and because he lost his job he is considered worthless.

I saw a woman who had no other way to make money than to give herself away.

I watched a man puff out smoke because he thinks it will bring him peace and comfort.. even if only for a little while.

Then... then I cried.

Last night I'm sitting in my room thinking about the video I had watched. I'm thinking of all of the people everywhere on this earth who are hurting and in pain. I cried. Deep, soulful sobs for the ones I don't know and for the ones I do. I don't know most of their names. Yet I love them more than anything. I hate seeing people who have such great potential let it die a little more each day because they have believed the lies the enemy has fed them.

I couldn't help but think as I watched this video that there we were, sitting nice and comfortable not afraid for our lives, not freezing out in the cold, not half naked or might as well be because they're barely wearing threads anymore it's so worn out. I hate my comfortable life.

I want to move. Not really move as in get a new home in a different area. I want to move as in out of my comfortable life into one that I know God has for me. Not that being comfortable is a problem... but it kinda is. I'm not to be conformed to this world and I hardly think Jesus wants me to look out at the world and see all the hurt and pain and do nothing about it.

It's not just the homeless, the prostitute, the stripper, the drug dealer, etc. who are hurting. It's your next door neighbor, the person you sit next to at church, the girl who runs on the track with you every day, that dude at your work. I don't have to look far to see someone hurting. I don't have to look far to find someone to tell about the love and peace and hope I have found in Christ. I just don't have to look far.

I question myself... if I am comfortable in everything that I do am I even living for the Lord? Because being comfortable does not require any faith whatsoever. I don't believe I'm called to a comfortable life. I'm sure Paul wasn't comfortable when he walked this earth. He's one of the godliest men that's walked among us. A great example to us. He was obedient no matter what God asked him to do.

I want that to be me. Seeking God's will above everyone else's. Leaving the comforts of this world because I am indeed made for another one. I want those pained faces to be comforted not because of me... because I can't take away their pain, but because of Christ in me shining through.

Lord, if the only thing I can do is be obedient to You, then may it be so.

Longed to be loved...

2011-12-02T09:44:00.001-06:00

She sat on the floor glancing up in between crunches and sit ups.
I want to look like that, she thought.
I want to be pretty. Desired. Fulfilled. Find my purpose in life.

She longed to be loved.

He loves me. I just know it. He's confused. I'll keep him around. Make him happy.
Fulfill him. I will be his everything again. All I need to do is give him what he wants.

She longed to be loved.

It's gonna be okay. Everyone knows it. My parents will be happier. I just need a job. Be a better daughter. They'll be happy. I can please them. I know it.

She longed to be loved.

My life is worthless. So am I. All I do is mess up. Nobody loves me or cares for me and what on earth am I even here for?

She longs to be loved.

Chances are you are (if you're a female) one of these above. Maybe you're all of them. I've been there. The reason I can write the things I write is because I have had the same or at least similar feelings and experiences. It's not over though.

You ARE loved.

After I figured out that my appearance does not determine my worth (I'm still learning) and that my love for myself and for others does not come by how I look or how they look. I have found out another thing. God loves me. He cares for me. He sees me. He notices me. I wanted to be noticed so bad when I was younger... I'm really glad to know that I've always been noticed. Do you know that? You are noticed too!

You are pursued. You are cared for (more than you can ever imagine). God does not look down
on you with a grimace on His face. He knows every mistake you've made and will make. He still loves you. Remember this? He doesn't change. He never will. Which means His love will never change for you. Ever. Period.

I can't make you believe that you are loved and pursued. I wish I could. Really I do. However, I can't. This is personal. You have to pray to Him to help you believe it. He will answer. He has always answered me and many others. He always will. Psalm 34:4 says, "I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears." He answers.

My challenge to you, if you're having a hard time believing your worth and finding your identity go read Psalm 139. Read it over and over and over again and then start praying it. You will begin to see your worth as the beautiful, precious, holy, clean, pure, daughter of the Most High. I love you all!! Have a blessed Friday!

Looking back when I should've said goodbye...

2011-12-01T09:14:00.001-06:00

Pain. Hurt. Bondage.

Love. Grace. Freedom.

Satan has no arms. He can't hold me back or make me do anything. That's all me. Giving in instead of letting go.

Well last night at church I talked with a godly woman to get advice on some things going on in my life. While talking to her God began speaking to me. He told me I need to really let go. I thought I had.

People say all the time "let go and let God.", but honestly I think that not many people even know what it means to let go because it's usually never done. I know that sometimes I don't know what that means. We "let go" while still trying to control everything that goes on in our lives. Maybe it's not that we don't know what letting go means, but that we are afraid to let go.

I was hurt. He hurt me deep. I was so angry. It turned to hatred. I went through the process of forgiveness only to start it all over again a month later. I said I had "let go and let God", but really I hadn't.

The healing process is not fast or easy. Don't let anyone tell you it is a 'one day and done' deal. It's not. It's a process. Just like forgiving. You have to go through every little thing and say, "I forgive you" just like when you go to God you need to say, "Heal me. Heal this area... and this one... and this one." It's all a process.

I've been looking back when I should've said goodbye from the very beginning. Every time God reminds me that I don't need to look back because the past is the past for a reason, I still sneak a peek hoping maybe the past has changed since I last looked. It hasn't. It won't. It never will. The past stays the same. Never changing.

If you're like me you've been hurt. We've all been hurt. You might be holding on to it. You might be looking back when you need to say goodbye. I know hurt very well. You probably do too. "He didn't change." "She never will." "Why did he leave?" "Why doesn't she love me?" etc.

This is a new month. Another fresh start. November is officially gone with all it's worries and hurt and pain. I think it's time to let go. All of us. Falling down at the Lord's feet and letting it all go. That pain, hurt, all the tears, worry, frustration, etc. Falling down I say, "Here, Lord, take these from me. They aren't mine to carry anymore."

"Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

He does. He cares so much for you. He loves you. Let go and let God... move in your life and make you brand new. He wants it all. Happy December!!! :)

My God never will... change!

2011-11-30T07:53:00.001-06:00

I like change. A lot. For instance, I got my hair cut yesterday and it's a pretty nice change. (Yeah I just wanted to share I got a haircut ;) )

I get a thrill from change. I thrive from change. Only if it's good though. Bad change... I don't like that so much.

I like making new friends. I don't like losing them.

I like going to a new place. I don't like leaving.

I like experiencing and trying new things (that are right). I don't like getting hurt.

Those are just a few of my 'good change', 'bad change' comparisons.

This year has had a lot of change for me. Both good and 'bad' (really it wasn't all too bad because God worked it all together for my good *Romans 828*). I got to deal with the loss of a family member and one that might as well have been in my family. I got my first boyfriend. I got my first heartbreak. I experienced true, lasting grace for the first time (JESUS!). I have learned a lot in regards to change and I thank God for that.

However much I may like change though, when a huge wave comes crashing down on me, I need stability. When I'm broken and on the floor I need Someone to hold me and say it's gonna be okay and mean it. That stability is the Lord. He doesn't change. When I do, He doesn't. That's awesome!! I'm so thankful!

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." - Hebrews 13:8

The same yesterday, today, and forever. Wow. That means His love, grace, forgiveness, heart, who He is, NEVER changes. So when you're doing through life change, He isn't and never will.

Remember today that no matter what you're going through God is going to be there with you to take you through it. Always and forever. Love y'all! :)

Praying for Your Future Husband {Book Review}

2011-11-30T07:42:00.001-06:00

I have been reading Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Gunn and Tricia Goyer.

I have enjoyed reading it. The book is filled with stories from both Tricia and Robin about how they started praying for their future husband, when they met him, and how praying for him had helped and continues to. You will not feel like you're just reading "another one of those books" that's trying to "self help" you get where you want to go and deal with something that needs to be dealt with.

I have this book to be very helpful. It's filled with prayers to pray for both your future husband and yourself. It also talks about how we must be prepared while we are single for our future husband which I 100% agree with.

If you're single and wanting to find the one God has for you I'd encourage you to read this. Pray during your waiting time.

Disclaimer: This book was given to me for free by Waterbrook Multnomah for reviewing purposes.

Single and lonely...

2011-11-29T08:23:00.001-06:00

My pastor has shared this quote with me many times and I must say I repeat it to myself all the time!

"It's better to be single and lonely than married and miserable."

That is so stinking true!! I completely agree. However, it says nothing about getting over being lonely or even if you will. I guess that's up to me. Maybe, maybe not.

So... can I just be real? Being single is fun and all, I like it a lot because I can just focus on me and and my Savior, which I love, but sometimes (like this past week) I get lonely. And when I get lonely, I get lonely.

This week I've been praying about it. I'm not dating right now because I feel this season I am in is for me and Him only. He is working on me. Preparing me. So that when the time comes for me to date (if it be His will) then I shall be ready for my future husband.

God has revealed a couple things to me. The first thing is this. You will not meet Mr. or Mrs. Right until you learn to be content in the Lord. You will not have a lasting, forever relationship with someone until you become content and happy with the lasting, forever relationship you have with the Savior. Simple as that.

The second thing is, when we get lonely, instead of running to that friend or thing that makes you forget about your loneliness, run to the Lord. We need to learn to run to God when we are lonely because truly He is the only One who can take away our loneliness. If you go into a relationship already lonely you can expect there to be problems soon because you are asking someone to fill a spot in your life that only God can fill.

Let God work on you and prepare you. Stop trying to force yourself into a relationship with a person and focus on your relationship with the Lord. He will bring the right person into your life when you're ready. Love y'all! Be blessed! :)

Honestly?

2011-11-28T10:50:00.001-06:00

Fake people annoy me.

I am a fake at times. I annoy myself.

I had no intention of writing today, or at least not about this, but you know.. God had different plans.

This morning I got up (thanking God for that!) and did what I normally do. I went and read some of the blogs I follow. I read a few and then came across one that I nodded my head with at the beginning and then completely disagreed with at the end.

Before you judge me as a "holier-than-thou" type... I don't like that term really because we are to be holy because God is holy. I am NOT perfect at all. Period. Only by God's great forgiveness can I sit here and share with you what He's taught me. Now... I can really get started. ;)

As I was reading this blog (for personal reasons I am not tagging the blog because they are actually a lovely writer), I see them talking about being a real, authentic Christian. Not being a fake. That was the part I was right there with them on. The part that lost me was not the really the fact that they said that they say the f-bomb all the time or even our God's name in vain (okay that part did make me angry). No, the part that really got me was that they said, "That's who I am. Let me be honest and open. I lead Bible studies, but I cuss all the time." It wasn't the fact that they cuss, really, but that they tell me that they knows it's wrong. They know it's something their not supposed to be doing and they continue to do it. That makes me sad for him or her and angry for the people who I know will be mislead.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes every single day. I am not defined by my mistakes. I am defined by Him. I am defined by His grace. That being said, if someone is struggling with something, that's only natural, but my Bible (do correct me if you've read something different) says to put to death the former things of life (old life) and accept the new life we have in Christ. We must surrender ourselves daily and take up our cross daily and when we fall down, we must get back up and keep pressing. One of the crosses I take up daily is my battle with food. I like food a lot and sometimes just eat to eat, but I know this is wrong which means I have to surrender this every day so that I can be made holy like my Savior. I also have to take up the cross of my mouth. I like to talk. I can open my mouth sometimes and talk too much and say things that would've been best left unsaid.

That is honesty.

I applaud them for being real and at least telling people what they are struggling with, but to have no intention to try and be more like Christ bothers me because they have already claimed His name.

I have had a hard time writing this post because I don't want to come off as being judgemental or condemning because that is not what I'm doing. I am sad that this person has believed the lies of the enemy.

Don't believe the lies. You cannot follow Christ and stay the way you were before you met Him. Yes, it's hard, but it's so worth it. Allow Him to change you today and every day after. It's a process. Just because you mess up doesn't mean you should give up. Let Him pick you up and keep walking with Him. Have a blessed Monday! :)

Sit still and be quiet...

2011-11-27T13:24:00.001-06:00

I talk too much. Everyone knows this including myself and I refuse to deny something I know to be true.

I've been struggling a lot with how much I talk. Sometimes I want to close my mouth and not open it for a few days... but that never happens. Teehee!

This past week I've been completely annoyed with how much noise is in my life. It's me, it's other people, the radio, the internet, the television, etc. I rarely hear the voice of God because I am so consumed by all the voices around me.

One day I went for a walk with no music and just listened and talked with the Lord. Pure bliss. That is exactly what it was. No loud noise, no irritating interruptions, just me and Jesus talking and interacting. I wonder how many times He's tried to strike up a conversation with me and I was too "busy" to listen.

I am challenging myself this week to turn off the distractions more often and listen for His voice. Nothing is wrong with the internet, TV, music, talking to people, but sometimes it can be too much and we need to take a break and sit still and be quiet and simply be.

Who's with me? Who will turn off distractions for say... an hour each day this week and listen to Him? It's really nice to go on a walk without a care in the world and hear Him the whole way. :) <3 Have a blessed Sunday!

Thanksgiving...

2011-11-24T09:52:00.001-06:00

Today is Thanksgiving (duh) the day we give thanks for all we have.
Thanksgiving is my one of my most favorite holidays! I love just being content and thankful with everyone.

Sadly though, we only take one day out of the year to really be thankful. So sad. And really some people aren't even thankful for the whole day because they are busy preparing for a sale where they can accumulate more stuff.

However, I'm not doing any of the Black Friday stuff (I really do try to stay away from that as if my life depended on it;) ). Here's my top 10 list of things I'm thankful for this year...

1. I'm thankful for y'all (my blog peoples!). I'm thankful I have people who read my thoughts, things I've learned, and what God has given me to speak and that I can read what you're going through and dealing with. I love y'all. :)

2. I'm thankful that I have an amazing family who despite all the stuff I put them through earlier in the year has stuck with me and helped me through it. I'm super blessed to have them.

3. I'm thankful for my friends (and the best friend who knows who she is:) because sometimes I need a kick in the butt and someone to talk to/listen to. :)

4. I'm thankful that I'm not the same person I was a few months back. God has changed me and I'm super grateful.

5. I'm thankful that I have food to stuff my face with.

6. I'm thankful that the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade comes on TV (which I am currently watching while writing this) because if it didn't I wouldn't get my fill of Broadway Shows and random balloons! :D

7. I am thankful that God has given me His Word. His Love Letter to me. When I have a bad day just a few lines can pick me up. :) <3

8. I'm thankful to be free both by the Cross and the amazing men and women who fight for my freedom each day. (Note: Pray for the families and the men and women in our military.)

9. I'm thankful I can enjoy life. That God didn't make us like robots. We can enjoy food, sun, laughter, joy, etc. :)

10. Last but not least I'm thankful that my Daddy has saved me and that I am His and He is mine. :)

Happy Thanksgiving loves!!!! Praying it's a great day for you!! What are you thankful for? Thank God. I love y'all! :)

Cold and alone...

2011-11-23T16:45:00.001-06:00

She was 11 maybe 12. Very pretty.
The wind hit her face. She looked cold.
I watched her for a little bit wondering why she was all by herself in such a secluded area.
I thought maybe I should ask... but I didn't want to be a creeper.
I continued to watch her to make sure she didn't get kidnapped or hurt.

After a while she began to walk away and so did I. Our paths crossed on the way and I said hello. She spoke a soft, "Hi." and continued walking.
She kept looking back. Maybe to see if someone was following her. Maybe to see if anyone had noticed her. She might not have known... I noticed her. And God did too.

I don't know why, but that little girl impacted me today. I'm not sure what she was doing.. running away, just taking a walk, hiding away... but regardless, she was right there. I said nothing to let her know that life will be okay. That Jesus loves her. That she's beautiful. I just said hello.

As I began praying for her, I began to wonder... how many people cross my path everyday and I never say anything to them? I never show them the love of God. It saddens me greatly to think that.

Maybe God wanted me to talk to her, but I didn't. Too afraid. Too scared. Too nervous. What will I say? What should I have said? I don't know. Simply stated... I don't know.

That is in the past. I may only look forward and keep going. Learn from my mistakes. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day, and maybe the next, God will place someone there for me to talk to. Will I do it? Will I speak words of Life to them?

We never stop to think what someone is going through. Maybe that annoying person at the grocery store is dealing with a son or daughter who is in Iraq fighting for our freedom and she/he misses him or her.

Maybe that kid at school is so starved of attention at home that he or she decides to make it happen at school.

Maybe that man or woman at work is so grumpy because their family is falling apart.

Maybe that prostitute is a prostitute because she was never loved by anyone at home.

It's time to stop taking suface things. Stop judging people by how they look. Anyone can put on a brave face, but it's not their face that makes them brave. Step up. Next time you see somone who looks like they need encouragement go talk to them. I know it's hard, but pray about it. The Word says He (God) will give us the words we need to speak. Don't worry. I'm going to do my best to follow the Lord's voice wherever and whoever He leads me to. We can do this through Him. Be blessed!

**Special Thanksgiving post coming tomorrow! :)

Mismatched...

2011-11-21T09:55:00.001-06:00

So the other day I wrote this, and asked people to give me questions about something that isn't talked about too often and what they want to know.

Well, Clare wanted to know why it's so wrong to date or go out with unbelievers. Good question because it's really not addressed. We're just told not to do it and sometimes... let's be real, "don't do it." why? "because I said so." doesn't cut it.

So, first we must ALWAYS go to God's Word and see what He has told us about whatever it may be and here is a verse in 2 Corinthians that talks about being "unequally yoked" or "mismatched"...

"Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14

That's pretty simple. You don't mix light and darkness. Righteousness and lawlessness. Very true. But what if you want to go a little deeper?

Why?

Why don't we mix light and darkness? Why don't we mix righteousness and lawlessness?

Thankfully ("Give thanks in all circumstances for this God's will for you in Christ Jesus.") I've been in a similar situation where I was "mismatched" with.. someone who wasn't a true follower of Christ. Side note: y'all, just because they claim the name of Christ does not mean they are a Christian. Watch out.

So I was with someone for a little bit.. not very long and we had fun and stuff together, but somehow.. the person I started out being, and the person I was becoming while with them was not good for me.

After just a couple months, I was doing downright wrong things and letting this person become my 'god' (my fault, not theirs). Pretty soon my relationship with the Lord was all but gone. The only time I talked to Him was at night when I was going to sleep. That was it. I left Him and everyone else way back behind me while I pressed forward on a path that lead to death.

We as women, (if you're a guy... tune out for a sec ;), want to help everybody. We want to change everybody. Yet we all have to go through the process of learning that the only One who can change anyone is God the Father. No one else. No matter how hard you try, it just won't work.

That has been my problem for a while. I want to get with someone and help change them and the process of doing so, I just fall with them.

Did you catch that? Why do we not mix light and darkness? Because no matter how strong you are, you can't help but get drug down with someone who is not following the Lord. Our flesh is weak and while we can do all things through Christ, we must remember that when you spend a lot of time with someone who doesn't follow Him, our thoughts will be invaded by satan and his deceptiveness and we'll begin to think in a different, wrong way.

Our purpose in life is to know Christ and make Him known. You can make Him known without dating someone who doesn't know Him (yeah that hurts to hear, but it's the truth). Don't compromise who you are in Christ, just to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't know the Lord. Hope this clears up a bit of the confusion you might have had. God bless y'all!! :)

Surrender now... and for the rest of your life...

2011-11-18T17:08:00.001-06:00

Lecrae put on twitter today:

"Repentance is a continual act. It's a lifestyle not just a moment in your life."

Amen!!!!! Could not have said it better myself.

See today we have lots of youth services, mega-churches, "Jesus clubs", etc. and at the end of each one you hear a really passionate preacher or evangelist talk about how if you're living the wrong way you need to come to the alter right now and repent and then they go on their way.

Don't get me wrong, if it weren't for services such as these, I might not be saved. However, I can't help but wish that people would understand that while you are surrendering right then, that doesn't mean that that is the only time you surrender. If you're confused... it's not the only time you surrender to God.

I wish someone had told me that a few years ago. I didn't really know too much about it (it being surrendering to the Lord and living for Him), I didn't really understand that every single day I must die to myself. I thought you did it once and that was it. Not so.

This year I went through the process of understanding what it means and what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus. Plainly stated, you're either all in or all out. Jesus does not want lukewarm recruits (followers), He wants completely and totally committed followers. You are either on Jesus' side and living for Him or you are on Satan's side and living for him. Simple as that. So... whose side are you on?

It's never too late to give Him full control. What we as followers of Him must realize is we need to surrender every single day. Not once a week, or once a year, every day.

Once I got that... once I realized that Jesus wants all of me or none at all, I began to be more blessed. (Side note: Don't misunderstand, the Lord wants and desires you because He loves you so much, but if you're only gonna put in half the effort, then you need to wait until you are ready to give Him everything... and that day will come. I pray.)

When you give Jesus full control you begin to live the life the Lord has always wanted you to live. The life He created you to live. That is truly living. So what's your choice gonna be? Don't rush, take your time, make sure you really want to live for Him and if so then surrender to Him right now... and then continue to do so every day for the rest of your life. I love y'all family!! Stay blessed! :)

Oblivion or just not caring?

2011-11-17T15:21:00.001-06:00

Why do people think that if they don't talk about something it'll be as if it doesn't happen?

I'm always curious why people think that. Maybe they are just trying to make themselves feel better. It's easy to lie to yourself and eventually believe those lies. Trust me, I know.

The Church's job (at least partially) is to help educate the believers so that they may help others in their exploration(s). Yet, so much of the time the very people in the church do not understand why they do or don't do something because it has never been talked about. People stick their heads in the sand far too often.

For instance, I literally can count on 1 hand the number of times sex has been discussed in the church. For real. Yet we are told to wait until we're married and no one can tell you why because it's an "uncomfortable" subject. Really? Why? We don't find it uncomfortable to talk about the Bible (at least you shouldn't in church) and sex is talked about plainly in the Bible.

I read a story the other day about a woman who got married and both she and her husband were virgins. They had grown up in the church, being told that sex was "bad" and not to do it before you're married (no pun intended) and when they got married... they still considered it bad and it made their marriage suffer. Their marriage suffered so much that they eventually got divorced. Now I sit here wondering how many other marriages have been ended over the same, exact thing.

To clarify, my belief (gathered from things I've read, opinions I've formed, and personal experience) is the reason God tells us not to have sex before we are married is because we awaken desires that we are not yet ready for. God told Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil not because he was punishing them but because the path after that only led to death not life. Same thing happens when you have sex before you're married.. you give yourself away each time and begin dying slowly and painfully. I shared my story regarding all this here.

I can talk about so much that isn't really addressed in church like widows, orphans, drugs, the Holy Spirit (yeah I find that one a little alarming, not that all the other's aren't as well), drinking, going clubbing (personally I just want to hear opinions on that one...), sex trafficking, etc etc. There are very important issues in this world that need to be talked about and have something done about and sticking our heads in the sand doesn't help at all.

Maybe if something bad was happening close to home then people might care. Just because it's not you or someone you know struggling in some small or large area does not mean it doesn't matter. It just means you might need a heart check.

I'm not trying to be a 'debbie downer' but I do find it very upsetting that there is so much that is not being talked about. So all this to say that starting right now I want to hear what you've been wondering about... what questions do you have? What is something that you've always wondered about but never had the courage to ask anything about it? I can't promise you an answer right away, but I will say I will address as many issues as possible. Together we can make a change by God's hand. :) Start asking away!

Dear Brother...

2011-11-16T09:49:00.001-06:00

Well ladies I wrote y'all a note last week found here. Now I'm writing to all the guys out there. :)

Dear Brother...
I know, they tell you in order to be a man you should have sex with a girl out there and then tell everyone about it. That's the "cool" thing to do, right? Wrong. The world thinks it's cool, but really it's not. You are not made a man by what you do or don't do. God has made you a man. You must find the character that lies behind that. His character.

Dear Brother...
I know she said she wasn't like all the other girls. She just wanted to please you, but in doing so you both fell. And fell hard. You might be struggling right now with getting over everything that you have done. You might be hurting really badly and struggling not to go find another girl who will do just what she did. Stay strong. Stop letting the lies of the enemy fill your mind to the point that you can't hear His truth. Fill your mind His Word and you will begin to hear everything satan says to you fall away.. or at least recognize them as lies.

Dear Brother...
So.. you're not like everybody else. You're not the "sports star" (maybe you are), or the "tech geek", or the "actor" or the "business man", but you are trying to fit yourself into different roles because you think that's what girls like and that's what will make your parents happy if you "make yourself something". But guess what? While you're trying to please everyone you're letting God down. He made you uniquely you for a reason. You don't have to try and make yourself something you're not. If God doesn't like what He sees (just so you know He loves you!), He will change what needs changing. Stop trying to fit in a mold you were never meant to fit in.

Dear Brother...
I know home life can be rough sometimes because everyone wants you to "stand up" and "be a man" and honestly, you have no idea what a "man" looks like because your dad hasn't been around long enough to show you. Maybe he was never there. You feel hopeless and angry and hurt. But you only show the anger. 3 words. Let it go. Give it to God. He can make you more of a "man" than any person on this earth. The change begins on the inside and then slowly, gradually you begin to see the works on the outside. "Rome wasn't built in a day." So why are you trying to make yourself something right this very second that God is telling you "it's a process."?

Dear Brother...
I love you. I don't know (and then again, maybe I do), but I love you. You are a part of my family. Our family. God's family. He loves you. A lot. I hate to know how bad the enemy lies to you. That you think things that are just wrong because that's all that satan has filled your mind with. You can put a stop to it. Read His (God's) Word. Read it every single day. It doesn't have to be for a long time... just read. And pray. Prayer is huge because God hears our prayers and answers them. And maybe you should find someone who is or has struggled in the same thing and can help you out. That's always good to know you're not alone in a problem (and you aren't).

Dear Brother...
I'm praying for you. Right now. I pray that you see yourself through God's eyes and find your worth in Him and believe everything He says about you. I pray you stand strong. I know it's hard... it's hard for everyone, girls and guys alike, but we can do this together. By God's hand and with His help. Stay blessed. :)

Words eternal...

2011-11-14T10:49:00.001-06:00

"You're not good enough."

"He only likes you because you have big hips, and a big butt."

"It's not like I rush home to give you a call."

"When's the baby due? Haha!"

These are a few of the words spoken to me in my life that I still remember to this day.

The last one.. I remember that day better than most. I was going to a school "meet the teacher" day and because I was pretty fat when I was little, she (the teacher) thought it was funny and asked me if I was having a baby as a joke. I walked right out there and in my little 4th grade mind began hating myself and started to cry.

I've heard so many painful jokes that even though the person claimed they were joking, killed me inside. And if anyone knows me (and for those who don't), I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Yes, I know, I've been told it's not the best choice to make but I don't care. I am not going to pretend I am okay, when I'm not. So any time someone said something that hurt my feelings, I got quiet, I got angry, I began hating them and hating myself and I would cry. Maybe crying silently for a minute and eventually it would turn into sobs.

I'm sure right now as you're reading this you are remembering at least one (probably more) moments in your life where someone said something really hurtful to you. You can forgive them. You can love them. But those words will be in your mind forever.

There are plenty of people I have forgiven, people I indeed love with all my heart, that simply cannot change the fact that I remember those words spoken to me. No, I don't hold it against them. As far as I'm concerned it was a completely different person who spoke those words to me, but none the less I remember them and the pain that they have caused me for so long.

God's Word is eternal. That means it's here today, tomorrow, the next day, and even after this earth is gone, those Words will still be alive and active. His Word will never fail us because He never fails us.

What if we focused more on His Word to us, then we focus on the words of other people to us?

What if instead of seeking your confidence in another person, whether getting words of affirmation or words of hate, we sought our confidence in Jesus Christ and everything He says to us?

I think the problem with us is we don't value God's opinion as much as we value other people's. Even though what God thinks is true and what other people think are just... thoughts.

My life would look a little different if I did that consistently every day. If instead of listening to other people and what they say to me and about me, I listened to who God says I am. Wow. Powerful thoughts there.

I am going to strive this week to consistently, day to day, listen to the Lord and His Word each and every day and find my confidence in Him and nothing else. What about you?

Those words you remember from back in the day (even if it was just yesterday) do not define you. Who the Lord says you are is what defines you. Listen to Him because His Word is true. Love y'all! :)

Temporary...

2011-11-11T10:32:00.001-06:00

"You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." - C.S. Lewis

That quote.. wow. God has been using it to wreck me. And when I say wreck.. I really mean it.

Everything is temporary. We've heard this so many times... but have you ever thought about it for real?
Have you ever gone past the surface, and dug deeper into that? No? Well me neither... until this week.

This week I started thinking about it. And some of the thoughts that I've had are actually mind blowing.

The first time I ever heard that quote from C.S. Lewis I completely disagreed with it. I'm not entirely sure why.. part of it had to do with the fact I've never thought about it in those terms so it was new to me. I refuse to accept something blindly... sometimes I refuse to accept the truth... I like to either forget about it (like I did) or dig deeper (like I've been doing).

Have you ever thought about how these bodies of ours are not coming with us to Heaven?
I thought about that for a good hour 4 nights ago.

What I've started to realize is, this body is not gonna make it past this earth. Who I am is not found in the way I look. Who I am is found deep within me. In my soul. I am a soul. I have a body.

"Your beauty should not consist of outward things [like] elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes; ⁴ instead, [it should consist of] the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God's eyes." - 1 Peter 3:3-4

I must've read that verse a million times and never really thought about who the "hidden person of the heart" was or is. I just thought it meant, be a good person, try to do the right things... don't lie, cheat, etc. Now that my eyes have been opened I see what it really is saying, we should not focus so much on our appearance.. our body. Instead we need to be focusing on our soul. Because in the end that's all that is coming with us to Heaven.

Our soul = our life. Jesus = life for our soul.

Stop focusing so much on your body. I know, I too spend a lot of time obsessing over how thin I want to be, how pretty I am or want to be, etc. but I see now all this stuff is temporary. Except... my soul. God has saved me. He has saved you. Let Him work in your soul so you can get to that "gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God's eyes." Love y'all! :)

Dear sister...

2011-11-09T14:25:00.001-06:00

This is to all the ladies out there: I love you all. :)

Dear sister,
I want you to know that I love you. Yeah, we girls can fight sometimes (or all the time ;) ,but that's just because we are all hurting.
It might make you feel better when you tell a person their ugly, or stupid, or whatever because you know.. they told you the same thing years ago.
Learn to deal with it in a mature, godly manner. I know it hurts. Believe me. But we must learn to forgive and move on. Why? Because that makes us a true woman of God.

Dear sister,
I know you thought that guy was "the one" but he turned out not to be and now you're hurt.
You're left wondering if there are any other guys out there who will love you and truly love you.
There are.
Trust God. He is preparing some amazing, incredible guy for you. Don't force yourself into a relationship with a guy who doesn't deserve you. It'll just hurt you both.
Be patient. Wait for the Lord. The right guy will come along when you both are ready.
Accept this as a time of waiting. Of preparing. Of living.

Dear sister,
I know you wish you looked like that super model. She's got all the "right" clothes, the beautiful hair, the gorgeous body, no pimples, or blemishes. But you know what? She's struggling just like you.
She wishes she had a true life. That she was more than her image.
She is. She just doesn't know it.
You don't have to be her, and she doesn't have to be you. You both need to be yourself.
This world needs you. There are so many things that only you can do. Let God make you fully His so that you can do those things.

Dear sister,
You are more than your image. Don't you believe that? You don't need to look like me and I don't need to look like you.
Wanna know why?
We are both fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). We are both beautiful.
We both have the potential to be that Proverbs 31 woman. We just need to choose whether we accept to be her.

Dear sister,
I'm praying for you.
I don't know you (maybe I do), but I don't need to know you to know you are going through tough times.
I know you struggle with pain, thoughts, heart ache, life; every single day.
I know it's hard. I'm struggling too. But the great news is God is with us. He is right beside us, holding our hand, walking us through life. And He is in us.
Helping deal with the things that no one around you may know about it.
I'm praying a special blessing over you right now. I pray you find the value you have in Christ and walk in that confidently every day of your life.

I love you dear sister. You are beautiful, valueable, wondeful, amazing, in every way because you are His. Believe that. Walk in it. Blessings! :)

Losing myself...

2011-11-08T19:34:00.000-06:00

So.. I'm about to share something that I am very passionate about (as of this year). I think it's a very important topic and something that isn't talked about enough, concerning girls. I'm gonna tell you my story...

Warning: If you have not had the "birds and the bee's" talk please don't read this.

A while back I lost my purity. Now before you go spreading lies (if you know me) or thinking about not reading my blog anymore (if you don't) I want you to understand, I have never physically had sex. But guess what? You can lose your purity without having sex. Read that again. Allow me to explain...

It just started out as kissing... which then led to something else, which led to something else, and then "things" became as natural as a kiss goodnight.

My purity was gone. After my first... hmm.. how to put this... "sexual encounter", it was like the blind fold had been lifted off my eyes and I found out something I never knew existed. It was brutal.

I didn't know what "Do not awaken love until it so desires." meant until then... don't fool around or "mess" around until you're married because once it's awakened, it's up for good.

My mind soon became consumed with getting my next "fix" as if I was a drug addict or alcoholic.

Nobody will understand any of this unless you have already been through it. For 2 months I did things I knew was wrong. I allowed someone to use me because I was too afraid of losing them to realize I was losing myself.

Everyday was a battle. I wanted him so bad. I wanted 'that' feeling so bad. I just wanted that 'want' to go away. But it didn't. At all.

Once we were broken up, then the battle grew more intense. Now I'm all alone, have no one to do anything with and I don't know what to do with myself. I hated this time so much.

I had lost self respect for myself and for other guys in general, thinking they all want the same thing. I hated myself for allowing someone to pressure me into something I knew was wrong.
I hated him for taking from me the one thing I thought I'd have until I got married.
I hated life because every day was another day to fight the urge to lose myself again.

I didn't think any other girls were going through this so I hid it. For a long time. I didn't tell anyone, I even tried to tell myself it never happened. I never.. "messed around". But the lies didn't work for me. I knew what I had done and that it was wrong and that I couldn't take it back... and that part, not being able to take it back, killed me.

Then a while back I came across The Good Women project. Thank God for that website! I finally figured out that I was not alone. That there are other girls out there struggling just as I was and that God has forgiven us all and wants to set us free.

People tell you that guys are the only ones who think about sex all the time. That's a lie. If you're purity is gone (physically or mentally) then it can consume you just like it consumes them.

I have now realized, it is by nothing that I have done or will do, that makes me good. Only Jesus Christ in me makes me good. Take Him away and I'm back to being the filthy soul I was before. Leave Him, and He makes me more like Him everyday.

I finally laid myself down at His feet. I laid down everything I have done and let go. I let go of the guilt I had. I let go of the pain I had remembering all the things I did. I let go of the lies satan had told me so many times before. And I let go of my full self and laid me down at His feet.

I found forgiveness for myself and for that person the day I did that. It was freeing. God set me free.

Now, it's not like a magical transformation. It is a process. Everyday I have to choose not to think about those things I thought about before. The new me simply cannot go back to the old ways of life. It's like getting a new car but putting old, worn - out tires on it. It just doesn't work.

I want you to know that no matter what you've done (or haven't done) God loves you unconditionally. He does not change. He is there for you always.

Let go of your sin. Let it go. It's doing you no good hanging on to the old things.
Welcome the new life you can have in Christ and let Him transform you every day. If you need to talk about this or something else leave me a comment with your email and I'll get back to you. I'd love to help you out. Also check out the good women project's website. It's such a blessing in my life. Love y'all! :)

Raw honesty...

2011-11-06T22:06:00.000-06:00

Judgement.

I see it all around me. At home, at church, at the store, in myself... it's everywhere.

I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm being judged, but if you really want to make me angry (my blood... yeah I think it actually does boil) judge someone who's around me.
I don't have to know them personally, if you call them a "slut", say a racial slur towards them, make fun of them because of who they truly are... we are gonna have problems. Promise.

I don't want it to be this way. I don't want to get really angry, but you know what? I am really angry.

I'm angry that people feel like they can't come to church because the people there are too judgemental.
I'm angry that satan has been lying to every person around me (and not).
I'm angry that there are people all over the earth that kill themselves because they think life isn't worth it.
I'm angry that people are excluded at the one place they should be accepted.

I'm just angry. Is it godly anger? I'm not sure. Maybe. Maybe not.
I know for sure that I'm angry.

Earlier I was so frustrated with people around me gossiping about others.
Guess what my solution was? To gossip right back about them!
How freaking messed up is that? To do the same wrong they did?! What?!

I can't do this on my own.
I've tried... many times in fact. Over and over and over.
Living life by myself never, ever works (the one time applying never and it being absolutely correct).

I need God. I need Him to the point that it hurts. Not in a bad way (sometimes because my flesh is so weak) but... like when you want someone so bad that it hurts you because you love them so much.. yeah, that hurt.

God is getting ready to do something big, I just know it. However, I believe He still preparing me for that and recently I've been closing the door right in His face. Then complaining that I can't see or hear or feel Him. Stupid me.

This is a time of testing for me.
I'm being completely real, honest, and open with you guys right now. If you're going through testing too remember, satan will attack your strengths because once those are out of the way, you're pretty much done.
We've got to stay strong. We've got to accept God's help and keep believing. If you close your heart to God, you might as well close the casket because you are dead. He can bring you to life. He IS life. Think about it...

Do you want life or death?

If you are struggling like me (really who isn't?) leave me a comment so I can pray for you! Prayers from you guys would be welcomed too! :) Love you all!

Pain = Beauty.

2011-11-03T10:10:00.000-05:00

Regret. Pain. Hurt. Tears.

Do these describe where you've been or are right now?

I'm pretty certain (like 99.9% sure) that everyone on this earth that is up to any age has experienced all those things. If not... well thank God for that.

There was a time in my life where for 2.. make that 3 straight weeks I did nothing but sit in bed, sleep, cry, pray, and repeat that process over and over and over again, day in and day out.

Can I tell you that was one of the worst times of my life? Yet, God turned this time into something so good. I just couldn't see it.

I used to dread anything that would make my emotions go from happy to anything that was not happy. I mean, who really wants to be sad or upset? Not me.

But God has shown me that it's those times where I am hurting, and crying out that He becomes even more real to me. I would say that when I'm happy... sometimes (not all the time), I don't always look to the Lord for help. I think, well I'm happy. That's good. See ya' later God. When I need You. When I'm hurting.

He wants to help me through everything. Not just my pain. Not just your pain. He wants to have complete and full control of your every moment. Why? Because His moments are better than ours could ever be... despite our best efforts.

The reason I was going through that pain months ago was because I was being completely disobedient to God and that was part of the consequence. He got my attention when I began suffering.

Instead of asking, 'why me?' when you are suffering, ask, "what are you trying to show me, God?"

Pain = beauty. Why? Because when we are in the most pain, that's when we begin to grow. Spiritual growth is beautiful.

God is moving all the time. Only when you truly open your eyes and heart are you going to see what He's doing. Open your eyes. :) Love y'all!!

Living Close to God (when you're not good at it) - Review

2011-11-03T09:50:00.003-05:00

So I read this book by Gene Edwards called Living Close to God (when you're not good at it) and it was a really great book.

Basically Gene tells you what he did to experience God even more in His time in His Word. The main key to it is slowing down. That was something I needed to read and think about because a lot of times I don't slow down and read His Word, but speed through it and then wonder why I didn't feel it 'come alive'.

If you're looking for a good, easy read then I'd say you should go buy this book. I read it fairly easily because Mr. Edwards doesn't confuse you with big, over-whelming words or theories. He simply writes what the Lord puts on his heart and it turns out being simple, yet profound.

Note: This book was given to me for free by Waterbrook Multnomah for reviewing purposes.

My 'hood...

2011-11-01T19:00:00.003-05:00

I love my city... like.. LOVE it!

Unfortunately, a lot of people don't... maybe it's just because they can't see what I can see coming. Maybe it's because it's primarily black. Maybe they just can't deal with "thugs" and "hooligans". There can be many reasons, but whatever they think, I still love where I live and the people I'm around.

I see God raising up a generation who is gonna be unashamed and radical for His name. And I see that people coming and being used to save all the people that the... "holier-than-thous" do not want to talk to much less be associated with.

Most people I know who visit the area I live do not care for the people or the place. It's called the "ghetto" (admittedly, I call it that too, but mostly as a joke and it could be considered as such) and I have friends who will not drive through where I live.

Now before you think I'm living in the scariest place on earth, let me tell you, where I live I feel comfortable. Others may not because they aren't accustomed to it but the crime rate here isn't that high and when I walk down the stress I do not fear that I'm gonna be shot (despite prior beliefs).

Side note: there is crime everywhere (as I'm sure you know) and if you are trying to find a place where no bad things happen... sorry to disappoint you, but no such place exists.

I see this area, this city being awakened from the sleep they have been in for so long. I believe God is gonna use me and others around me to help bring this about. I see the people who are desperate, who have been doing drugs and dealing them, being healed and set free. I see men and women being set free from finding security and love in sex with people they barely know. I see children having hope and a bright future where they know the Lord and live to please Him. I see people letting go of all that hinders and stops them, and running towards the One who can do all things.

I can see all of this. I can almost taste it, I feel that it's so close. I am praying for revival.

Yet, I feel as though it's me against the world (even though I know I'm not). It's just I know people who said that they were "dedicated" to this area, who have gone to church every Sunday saying it's their purpose to be a Light here and then up and leave. People who are of great faith have left this place alone for so long, but then complain about the lack of Christ here. You cannot complain about what is going on around you, if you are doing nothing to help change it. Plain and simple.

No matter where you live, don't give up where you at. No matter what is going on. No matter what the crime rate. Get on your face and pray! God changes things when His people pray. He hears every word you speak to Him. He is listening. So go ahead... tell Him what you want done in your city! Tell Him what you want done in your state. Tell Him what you want done in this world and then wait patiently for His reply. Be obedient enough to say, "Yes, Lord." No matter what your role is. We can change the world by and through God and through Him alone. I love you all!

For Real?

2011-10-31T15:12:00.000-05:00

Lies.

We all lie, and if say you aren't.... please. Quit lying! ;)

One thing I've found pretty interesting... nobody "gets real".
We are all pretending.
We are all hiding behind a mask... something we don't want anyone to see or know.

I've been there, done that. I've just now figured out how to take off the mask for good and simply be. And it's still hard to maintain and continue just being who He wants me to be and not pretending like everyone else.

One thing I found myself doing was not just lying to people, or "pretending" but also lying to myself and shamefully, lying to God. As if I could ever hide anything from Him.

There was a time in my life not long ago, that I spent quite a while trying to please people and not being myself. I listened to lies not only from others; such as "you need to "grow up", I also got lies from satan like "you'll never amount to anything." "nobody loves you." blah blah. Most importantly they were all LIES.

Side note: Don't listen to satan because he is the king of all liars (the Word says so) and if anyone ever tells you to "grow up", not because they are seeking your good but wanting to degrade you, just say what I do... "I don't want to. I'm proud to be a child of God."

Why are people afraid to go deep? Our culture only goes straight to the surface and if you attempt to go any deeper, people stop you saying you're being a "downer" or the annoying response, "stop searching and just live!" That's the worst.

When do you get to the point that you're done with being satisfied with surface things and want to go deeper? Want to search? I don't have an exact time or age, but I would say that time is right now for me. Maybe it's right now for you. Maybe you should do some soul searching. Mere suggestions. Only you can truly answer those questions.

The other night, I sat down, before the Lord, worship music playing, lights turned off, Bible opened and just began praying and seeking. Seeking for what's missing. Seeking for why I am not satisfied with life as it is now and the Lord began saying to me that it's because He is not my everything. If my heart's desires are the same as His, if my wants are the same as His, if my love is the same as His I believe I will be satisfied, but to get there means to go through being unsatisfied with my life, my self, my everything, to find that His life, His self, His everything is true and satisfying and can never be taken from me no matter what.

I'm tired of me. Like physically tired and emotionally tired of me. I want Him. I need Him. I want His realness, trueness, love, faithfulness to be mine. I am His, He is mine. That must describe me. Define me.

Stop pretending. Sit down. Get away from the computer, your phone, anything that might distract you, and figure out what you want. Better yet, figure out what God wants for you (because He can think of things that are so much better than you can think of!!) It's time to take off the mask, stop pretending like you like everything everyone else likes, and figure out what's best for you and the Lord. Figure out what He wants for you. Stop believing the lies. Be real. Be His. Love y'all! :)

Like a child... open your eyes and trust

2011-10-28T22:58:00.001-05:00

Tonight has been a lovely night spent with the Lord in prayer and worship and reading His Word.

I highly recommend spending a good hour or longer one night a week at least (in addition to your quiet time) to just sit in His presence and unwind. :)

So as I was just enjoying time with the Father, He began to speak to me. First through a song, where He was telling me that He cares for all my pain, all the things I've gone through and will go through, and He's not angry (I too sometimes forget who He truly is and think He's angry with the choices I've made) because He cares for me.

Then, He then led me to 1 Peter 5:7 which says, "Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you." Wow... so I can just let go of all the stuff that's been bothering me, or weighing on my shoulders and He'll take care of it? Yes, He most certainly will.

After that, I read Psalm 131 which talks about a childlike spirit.

And that got me.

God began speaking to me and showing me my life. He was telling me about how down I've been, how I've lost my wonder at all His creations and love and I've lost the newness He's given me because I have allowed the world to tear me down.

He began telling me that He said He has overcome the world and will help me do the same. He told me that if I opened my eyes, I would see the beauty around me. And so I did. I opened my eyes and began to tear up.

Why?

Because I just experienced my Savior in yet another way. And you know what? It was beautiful.
My Savior... He is so beautiful.

Open your eyes. Stop worrying about that job you really want, that school you want to get in to, whether that girl or that guy will ever come into your life, and just trust Him as a daughter trusts her father and mother.

Trust that He really does love and care for you and will work everything out for your very good.

Open your eyes.

Look around, see the beauty God has placed around us, allow yourself to be in awe if only for a few minutes. Be a child.

I am proud to say I am a child of God. I love you all!! :)

A psalm of gratitude...

2011-10-23T21:09:00.001-05:00

Without You, I am weak.
With You, I am strong.

Without You, I am evil.
With You, I am good.

Without You, I am lost.
With You, I am found.

Without You, I know no love.
With You, I am loved.

Without You, I am seeking.
With You, I need seek no more.

Without You, I am empty.
With You, I am filled.

Without You, I am thirsty.
With You, I am satisfied.

Without You, I am lonely.
With You, I am content.

Without You, I am hurting.
With You, my pain is covered.

Without You, I am sick.
With You, I am healed.

Without You, I was crying.
With You, You wipe away my tears.

Without You, I was unknown.
With You, I am known by You.

Without You, I am afraid.
With You, I have no fear.

Something I wrote to the Lord tonight. How great and marvelous He is!!! Praise Abba!! :)

Are You Happy Now?

2011-10-19T11:44:00.000-05:00

She doesn't look like you.
He is a "freak".
They are flipping weird.

Let's not pretend.. these are just a few of the things we say about people that we don't like or don't want to be around.
Not you, eh? Hmm... might want to double check.
I'm not pointing the finger, I didn't think this was me either. Then I went looked in the mirror (not for real, figurartively ;) and found out, yes, it is me.

See, the majority of people don't like the "different" people. You know, the kids are school, the people are work that just... weird, different or in your words "not right". Me... well that's not my style. I like being friends with those people some find "weird" because under all that is a beautiful person, but popular people.. snooty people... ohhh these are the people I just can't. stand!!
They drive me insane. And I find myself wishing they'd go mute so I didn't have to hear them talk about how "cool" they are or how "perfect" their lives are because really.. they are just lying to themselves and me.

I am learning to love everyone as Jesus loves me.
If I could have one wish it would be that it would be easy, but I know that as my heart becomes more like the heart of God, then I will find loving all easier than before, not that it will ever be that easy.

My challenge to myself this week and you is to love EVERYONE, regardless of whether they are annyoing, weird, mean, whatever.
Just simply love.

Check out this video by Megan & Liz, it's really good and I find the video to be very true and very good.
Let's stop bullying and picking and choosing who to love and shine the Light of Christ to everyone :) Love y'all! Have a blessed Wednesday!

Physically ill....

2011-10-19T11:36:00.000-05:00

I am physically ill.
People may not look at me and say, "she's sick.", but I am.
What has made me ill?
The things around me. What my eyes have seen.
I am tired of this comfortable life.
People don't understand that this world has nothing to offer me... or anybody else for that matter.
I have watched shows where babies have been left alone on the street to fend for themselves, where people who have died are thrown into a pit and buried with who knows what else around them.
I have read stories about people who are poor and follow the Lord with absolutely everything they've got, radical people who leave their lives behind in order to find that true life in Christ, and I have read stories about people who would be KILLED if anyone found out that they are a Christian.

And I find myself tired of reading stories and watching shows... I want to experience life at it's fullest and oddly enough to others, I feel like leaving my comfortable life to something else would be very fullfilling.
If it be God's will, I know He will point my feet in the direction I am to go in and move.

This life is my Lord's, not mine. I am through with living for myself, Jesus, take my life and live through me!

Conviction by my own mouth...

2011-10-14T13:01:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had those moments where you're talking to someone and you convict yourself?
No? Yes? Yeah, well it happened like five minutes ago.

Recently I've been having problems with certain people.. some people just seem to like drama and cause it ALL the time. Sometimes I think certain people just do it to get attention and so I've been really irritated at these people.

How in the world could they starve for attention so badly that they would spend their whole life trying to get it?

That's a good question. And while I was thinking about this I came across one of the people that annoys me... and they were upset about something again... but this time I started crying. I was crying for them and with them. Why? Because God softened my heart towards them just then and I saw what they must be seeing all the time. I saw their pains, hurts, wants, desires... (that never seem to come) and for the first time my heart was moved in compassion for them.

How often do we get irritated with people and annoyed with people because we think they are "putting on" when actually they are just hurting REALLY bad?

My challenge to myself.. stop being annoyed and irritated and mad at people and just love them like Jesus loves us.

We all want love.
We all want attention.
We all want someone to desire us and want us.
We all want someone to notice us.

Some people don't know that Jesus notices them and loves them and wants them... one day they will hopefully.. but until then it's our job to show them His love.

God, let them see Your eyes in mine, Your love through my love, and how much You truly want them through everything I say and do. Amen.

No More Sitting Around...

2011-10-09T23:31:00.000-05:00

People have no vision today. Everyone is fine with living in the right now. Looking at what you can see right. now. And that's okay.. because Jesus said for us to live for today because we never know if tomorrow comes. But I never saw where Jesus said, don't hope for the future, don't dream, just be content with how everything is right now.

That's what I'm saying. I'm not alright.
Are you hearing me???! I AM NOT ALRIGHT.
My heart is burdened. I'm not fine with the people around me going to hell and what am I doing? Nothing.
No, my heart has been in pain so much these past few weeks... why? Because all I keep seeing everywhere is these people who I don't know, but I love deeply. These people who have eyes that show pain, happiness, sorrow, anger, hurt, etc. All I can think is, God how can I be the tool You use, so that they find You?

Last night I watched a documentary on missions... these two missionaries were in Haiti... as I'm watching my heart is breaking. Breaking! For these people... I see a child walking around naked because his family is no where around. I see bodies from the earthquake being put into pits in the ground and having dirt dumped on top of them. I see pain in faces. I also see people worshipping God. Loving on Him, and praising Him despite the things they've gone through.

These people don't just live in Haiti.. there are plenty of people, probably right next door who are hurting. They are seeking something, someone who will heal this hurt and you know Who can! Why aren't you saying anything?!
I'm speaking to myself.

I can't take this anymore. I can't sit still, doing nothing, being okay with the world around me.
I must be patient, take it one day at a time, but I can't take "one day at a time" as... "let me be lazy for one more day and then I'll do something."
No!! It just means following God's voice little by little, bit by bit, until this world is radically different.

We, you and me, by God's Almighty hand can change this world. Not because He needs us, but because He wants us.
Your life really does count. Killing yourself, leaving this earth is not and never will be the answer until Jesus comes to take you and me Home.
As hard as life can be (definitely know it can be HARD), God is bigger and greater than any struggle or problem on this earth.
He loves us more than any person ever could, any girl or guy, won't you believe that?! HE LOVES YOU!!!

I'm done with being comfortable. Life is not fun for me when I'm comfortable. I sought comfort in the world for a while and you wanna know what? It never came. I found Jesus and suddenly, I have peace, and joy, and comfort. If that's really want you want, look no further than Jesus Christ Himself. He IS everything.

Do you wanna change the world? Don't think you can? Go ask God, I know He'll tell you, "Nothing is impossible with Me." Trust Him. Love y'all! :)

Discrimination & Thoughts...

2011-10-04T21:07:00.001-05:00

"That's so gay."

That's what I heard spoken about an ugly shirt the other day. It made me mad. Very mad.
See I don't agree at all with the lifestyles gays live. I know it against God's will and plan for us.
But I "hate the sin and love the sinner." Or at least try my best to. I mean I'm not better than that person.
I've had my fair share of sins in my life. None is any greater or any worse. They just are... sin.

People say things like that all the time. I've even heard it at church. Not to point fingers and say, "look at what you're doing." but seriously? No wonder people don't wanna come to church. Our church is full of a bunch of hypocrites!

I'm so tired of racism, discrimination, exclusion. It bothers the heck out of me!
I don't care what your skin color is, how many babies you have, or what you're lifestyle is now other than I want you to know the Lord and truly have LIFE.
That is all. If being gay, having sex outside of marriage, partying all day and night didn't affect your salvation, I wouldn't have any problem.
(Just so you know, God loves you and so do I!!)

Mark Hall once said a quote similar to this, "People go where they are accepted. The bars are full, how about your church?" Boom! That's like a slap in the face to me. The bars are full and people just sit in judgement saying that that's just people who have a problem. But if you really think about what the problem is, it's not that they are have a severe drinking problem because they like the taste of alcohol. No, that might be a cover up to the real problem and that problem is is that they are looking for love. And people look everywhere for that love, not realizing it cannot be found in a human being. Let me repeat that... true love, the love you are seeking, cannot be found in a human being.

I had to learn that the hard way. I sought many people... many things and never understood until 3 years ago that Jesus. He is the One I've been seeking my whole life.
The awesome thing is Jesus, He's been seeking US for eternity!
The question is, are you gonna seek and pursue Him back?

God loves you no matter what. That's not me repeating something I've heard my whole life, no that is the Truth! No matter what you've done (had sex, done drugs, stolen something, lied about something, or killed somebody). Will you believe it? Will you accept Him? Will you pursue Him? He is always holding you. Never forget that.
He NEVER fails. Love you all!! Be blessed! :)

"Come. Walk with Me."

2011-10-02T23:02:00.004-05:00

I closed my eyes. As I closed my eyes I began to see, this is what the Holy Spirit showed me:

I saw Jesus standing before me saying, "Come. Walk with Me."
I took His hand and we began our walk. First, we were walking in a beautiful garden with flowers, birds, and pure beauty all around.
After staying there a while things began to change.
We began walking again, but this time the beauty was fading and there was a storm. I was afraid.
Jesus said to me, "Do not fear. I got you. Just keeping holding my hand... holding on to Me."
But fear gripped me so much that I dropped His hand and ran as fast as I could.
I took a few wrong turns and found myself lost.
I kept walking down this lonely, dark road and then I see my Jesus standing at the end... holding out His hand.
I was tired, broken, beaten, and bruised.
He told me He would give me rest. He said He would heal me, so I grasped His hand so tightly and said, "Never let me go."
He replied, "My dear, I never did."

God revealed this to me tonight. I pray it touches your heart the way He touched mine. I love y'all!

Cheer On!!

2011-10-01T20:22:00.001-05:00

Living in the South you get accustomed to things.
You say yes ma'am and no ma'am. Yes sir and no sir. You open the door for people. And you watch football every Saturday.
Right now there are TONS of people all over watching their favorite team. Screaming at the tv, yelling for their favorite team, hoping they pull out a win. And if they don't? Well you don't wanna see that. It's not pretty.
Now don't get me wrong, I like football just as much as the next person. But it is not my life. Not at the least.
My life is found in Christ.
I find it terribly difficult to cry over my team losing a football game when I'm watching people lose in life.
I could sit back, eat some food, and scream and yell for my team all day, but afterwards what have I accomplished?
What if people cheered one another on as passionately as they cheer on their team?
What if people followed Jesus and loved Him as passionately as they love that team and follow them?
I imagine the world would look radically different. The South certainly would. Not to say it looks awful now, but doesn't look like it could/can.
I don't like to settle. I've never liked it. Something about the word just sounds... boring. Lifeless. Not fun.
So naturally in my walk with Christ I never want to settle. To be satisfied with the same every single day. I want to continue to grow and become better today than I was yesterday.
Part of learning and living is figuring out what matters and counts. Right now, like seriously, RIGHT NOW, I want you to think about; maybe even list out, the things and people you say matter and count to you. Now look over that and see, is there anything that matters to you that maybe isn't that important? And are there ~~things~~ people you should care about? Why don't you?
I want us to encourage one another and cheer each other on toward Christ and His desires for us every day. Nothing wrong with cheering for a team, but when the team becomes more important than the people there is a problem. Don't let satan win.
We win this fight in the end. Not because of us, but because of Christ. Cheer on loves!!! :)

Get Real...

2011-09-30T20:44:00.000-05:00

Christians are to be authentic, right? Real. True. Just. Etc.
Why aren't we? Why do we go to Church and pretend like we have it all together? I mean read the Bible. Everybody in there is a mess up (with the exception of Jesus). Why do we think we need to have it all together and appear perfect?
I just don't understand.

See, I've learned, people feel more welcome and not as awkward when they come to church when they realize the people around them struggle just as much as they do. The only difference is we can overcome by Jesus' strength.
I don't have it all together fyi.
I get told I smile all the time, yes I smile often and that is because I have Christ and all the joy that is found in Him, but there are times I cry, frown, have a really bad day. Do you want me to pretend I don't? Because I definitely can do that. I was a professional at the fake smile, the fake happiness, the fake everything. My mask was better than you could have possibly imagined.
That was before Christ. Now I simply refuse to "fake it 'til I make it" because I realize I may fool all the people around me, but I can't fool Christ. So why fool anyone?
I learned the minute I took off my mask that my life was way better.
I didn't pretend anymore. Wasn't scared to show the real me. It was strangely and amazingly... stress free. I'd put the mask on for years thinking people would judge me and hate me. I stressed myself over that but once I "let go and let God" everything just kind of fell into place.

Today was a... irritating day. But not as much as tonight. I miss that person I clinged to for a few months. Confided everything in. I miss them. Nights like this I have to worship like crazy.
I have to pray my heart out. I have to get so real with God and let Him know that I am hurting, that my pain is causing problems between us and that I need Him to take it away.
That's seems simple. God can do it for sure. The real problem is, will I let Him? Will I surrender? Surrender is way harder than most say it is. Must say it's most worth it though. :)

I know you might be hurting. Struggling with guys or girls, your appearance, your parents, your kids, your siblings, sin. But God has got you. He won't ever let you go. He loves you because He loves you because.... He loves you! Forever and always. Believe that. Let Him free you. Let Him hold you. Let go and let God. Love you guys!

I Can Do More...

2011-09-29T19:06:00.000-05:00

I can do more with my life.
I can do more with my money.
I can do more with my time. But do I?
Not really. My life I claim as my own, yet He says my real life, true life is found in Him. Where?
In my Savior. My Jesus. My King.
My brothers are sisters sit alone. Not knowing there is a Father who loves them more than life itself and will give them such a passionate, amazing life they will not believe what they've been missing.
Satan lies to us. Tells us we're not good enough. Tells us to judge those who do the "bigger sins"- Sex outside of marriage, drugs, alcohol, stealing, etc. and that those of who commit "smaller sins" are alright - lies, gluttony, greediness, envy, pride, etc.
But that's not right. God says all sins are equal in His eyes. God told me He shows no favoritism, so if this is so then He definitely loves those who are having sex outside of marriage, just as much as he loves the kid who's stealing food from the grocery store. He loves the cocaine addict just as much as he loves the person who drowns their sorrows in food.
I'm tired of the lies satan feeds us.
Like we can't do anything. "You're just one person." You're too young, too old, too pretty, too ugly, too rich, too poor, too nice, too mean, not popular enough, not big enough, strong enough or smart enough but those are LIES.
My Daddy says in His Word that we can do anything and everything THROUGH HIM. We can move mountains if our faith is great enough.
Sometimes I feel like a failure.. how do I get great faith? But God tells me He answers prayers so I pray for even greater faith each day.
You can do more. We. You + me with God means we can do all things. Not some, but all. Which means we can change the world. The poverty, the bondage, the hopelessness, unsatisfied, poor people around us. How can we do this? By God's Almighty Hand and only His. Don't be fooled by satan, it's not you. It is Him. Always and forever.
Let's do more. Be more. Live life greater than we did yesterday. As if today is our very last day on earth. God bless you guys! I love y'all!!! :)

Breaking My Heart....

2011-09-28T20:40:00.000-05:00

It's not okay. No, it's just not.
Everybody tells me, "You can only do so much." but my Bible says I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. So which am I to believe?
I'm told you can be "too extreme" in things and that that's not how God wants us to live our lives. Really? I beg to differ.
See, I feel, think and to an extent know, that God does not want me to be okay with living my life for me and only me... comfortably.
If I am comfortable, what is wrong with me? Why am I comfortable because according to Jesus Christ and His true followers, we are not to be comfortable.

I'm tired. Period. End of story.
There are days I don't want to do this, live this life, for the Lord. I want to sulk. I want to look at my life and cry because everything is "so messed up".
I want to point at the areas I'm unhappy with and have them changed right then. Guess what?! If I did that all day everyday my focus would be shifted drastically. To what you ask? To me.

Jesus said take up your Cross daily. Did you catch that? Daily. That means every single day. Dying is not a fun thing, but what does the Cross symbolize? Death. Gruesome, no fun, kill my flesh death. That my friend is a true follower of Jesus. Not the person who comes to church every Wednesday and Sunday, or the person who put 20 buck in the offering plate, the truest follower of Christ is the one who says, "Lord, kill my flesh today, and live through me."

I've realized my death must come each morning. It is something I have to do, must do, every single day. Even when I don't feel like it because my death in myself is how I have true, everlasting, the most satisfying life ever.

My heart aches. Be careful when you ask God to break your heart for what breaks His. He will do it. I see children every single day that are starving. I see people who throw themselves in and out of relationships as if both parties are nothing. I see elderly people, neglected and lonely, and nobody is doing a freaking thing! Everyone is seeing the same things.. all those Christians sitting next to me on Sunday.. we are doing nothing. What is wrong with us? How can we even begin to call ourselves Christians when we don't even have the Father's heart? "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." (James 4:7-8 check it!)

I am done being secure. Being comfortable. Being okay with the things I see, diverting my focus back to myself because I don't truly care. My heart hurts. I am hurting and it's a hurt that can't be fixed or covered up. It just keeps coming back and that's when I know that this hurt, all that I'm feeling is from the Lord, not me or satan. My Jesus wants me to do something. What you might ask? Well... I don't know yet, but I'm praying and I know I have to do something soon. I can't sit back and watch my brothers and sisters perish anymore. It is breaking my heart.
God is breaking my heart. Is He doing the same to you??

180 Movie: Check it out!

2011-09-27T17:49:00.001-05:00

Check this out. Your time isn't gonna be wasted.

Go Back To Start...

2011-09-23T21:32:00.001-05:00

So this week.. month has been filled with spiritual warfare. I mean I didn't realize how weak my flesh is, until this month. Woah... without Jesus I am just weak, weak, weak. Anyways, so today after going through the same test I have been going through all month, I failed yet again. And afterwards I was feeling bad because I couldn't believe I failed again and God told me something. He said, "These trials and tests that you go through are like the games that you play where when you land on the wrong spot it sends you back to start. Until you learn what I want you to learn and pass the test, you are bound to go back to start."

Until we learn what God wants us to, see the things God wants us to see, and obey Him in all trials, we are bound to go back to start and continue repeating that test until we finally see clearly and learn. You might be going through the same, struggling with sin in your life or a test you're going through. Know God is right there with you and that all He wants is for you to pass the test and move forward. My prayer is that your eyes are opened and your ears hear clearly what God wants you to know. Stay blessed!

"There is therefore now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." - Romans 8:1

Transformation vs. Change

2011-09-20T18:21:00.000-05:00

So I was talking about this the other day with someone and discussed it in Sunday school and wanted to share with you guys. The topic.. 'Transformation vs. Change'.

Change is defined as: to make or become different.

When someone is changed they become different in an area or many areas in their life. It can be as simple as changing your hair or changing your lifestyle, but in some way you are a little bit different.

Transformation is defined as: A thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance.

My definition and thoughts on transformation are simply, completely different. Not the same. Change can affect only one area in your life, but I believe when you are transformed you are totally different. Transformation is way more dramatic and radical than change. Not that either is bad, but what I've come to find is that many people who have accepted Christ have changed, but not allowed God to transform them (myself included). Romans 12:2 says that we are to not be of this world, "but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...". We say we have accepted Christ, that He lives in us and we in Him, but only a few areas in our lives have been touched. Why? Because we are unwillingly to completely abandon ourselves to Christ and allow Him to transform us (make us completely different from the way we were).

I had to pray today and will continue to, that God will transform every area in me and that I will not be so stupid as to hold only half of me up to Him and say, "I surrender." That means nothing. I want to be so radically different from the way I was that people say, "What's different with her?", "What happened to her?" and I can say simply, "Jesus transformed me to be more like Him." Will you let Him do the same? Have a blessed night! :)

Remembering Michael...

2011-09-15T19:59:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went to Michael Smith's memorial service. It was very nice. All his friends and family were there. I think I got out most of my tears... but more will probably come.

I've chosen to celebrate Michael's life and not his death. Michael was the most amazing, sweet, kind person and friend I could have EVER wanted. For two years, he was my very best friend who knew pretty much everything about me. We played basketball together (his favorite sport), he would beat me... 'cuz he had skillz! Haha! :D We bonded over the fact that we both were into the same music (which at the time was rap) and I remember one Wednesday night sitting around for like an hour waiting for church to start and listening to our favorite rap songs on his mp3 player. He was an all around genuine, loving person.

Most people might of thought Michael was a tough guy at first glance, and it is true that Michael was tough, but he had the kindest heart and he cared for everyone. He stuck up for the people who were being picked on, he was actually the first person that introduced himself to me on my 1st Disciple Now when no one had really talked to me yet.

There are so many stories and things I could tell you about who Michael was and how loving he was, but at 19 years young I think it's equally important to share with you that death can come any time. No, it's not welcome, but unfortunately, death does not care. It comes when it comes and we must be ready. Jesus Christ is our only way to Heaven. He is our only Hope for the life we shall receive after this one. Just give some thought to that and choose to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. He accepts you and loves you and wants you. He will be your comfort in hard times such as these, and hold your hand through it.

I will never forget Michael. And anytime my life becomes too hard, I will think about him and how he pressed on and how he loved. R.I.P. Michael. I love you!

The Grade I Don't Deserve

2011-09-13T21:16:00.001-05:00

I read a story a while back and was reminded of it the other day. I'm not sure where I read it, but I'm pretty sure it was a devotional... but who knows! Ha ha! (Sidenote: I tend to forget things easily. Little details like where I read something... haha:)

So here's the story...

There was a bunch of students in class one day getting ready to take a test. While the teacher is passing out the tests he tells them, "I want you to flip to the last page and read what is written." When the students turned there, they found a note that said: "No matter what your results are on this test you all will get an 'A'." The students were ecstatic! As most would be, and also confused. Why would their teacher give them this test and tell them they would get an 'A' regardless? Well there was one student, she was the smartest out of them all, and she chose to take the test so she could, in her words, "Earn my grade." All the other students simply placed their tests, untaken at the teachers desk.

Each day I am amazed that God, being so loving, would give me an 'A+' when I deserve an 'F'. He gives me the grade I don't deserve, the grade I could never earn. It's just there. God's gives us grace and mercy even though we don't deserve it. Yes, it's confusing at times why God would love us, but we must accept it gratefully and move forward in that love. Some people are like the girl who took the test without really needing to, thinking she'd earn the grade herself, they spend their whole lives working to earn the grace, love, and mercy Jesus gave us, not seeing that all of that was taken to the Cross. There is nothing to earn.

I want to remind that you have been given a grade you don't deserve. Jesus loves you as you are. He wants you to come and follow Him and live your life for His glory. His grace has covered everything you have done wrong and will do wrong. You are free. You are clean. Most importantly, you are His. Be blessed. :)

R.I.P. Michael Smith.

2011-09-08T18:21:00.000-05:00

To anyone who was praying for Michael Smith's return:

He was found dead today at the place he started walking home from. Please be in prayer for his family in this tough time. Thanks. God bless.

Mercy Come Morning Review

2011-09-08T12:01:00.000-05:00

This book I could not put down!! For real!! It was one of those that you are always curious and interested in what will happen next. Definitely a page turner!

Having lived with a grandmother who had a form of Alzheimer's I know how difficult it can be to deal with. This book made me laugh, then I got like halfway through it and cried my eyes out! Haha! Then, I smiled knowing that this book was similar to my journey with my grandma. First we both clashed in a not good way, couldn't put aside our differences and just love one another, then that changed. We both began to see our differences as blessings.

Though this book may be fictional it has a lot of realism to it. A few things were learned but the main thing I learned is we must forgive those around us NOW, not later because one day we all will be on our deathbed and you can't tell anyone something when their gone. We must love the people we are around right now and enjoy our time together.

If you want a good book to read, go pick this one up. It will not disappoint. :) Have a blessed Thursday!! :D

Note: This book was given to me for free by Water Brook Multnomah for reviewing purposes.

Follower, Not A Fan.

2011-09-07T20:36:00.001-05:00

I have been absolutely wrecked recently by the Lord. I'll tell you why... well there are a few reasons, one being I finished reading a book called 'Not A Fan' by Kyle Idleman. That was an amazing book!! Anyone who really wants to be a true Christian should go find that book and read it. :) God spoke so strongly to me. The book talks about us not just being fans, but truly following the Lord because that my friend, is what and who a true Christian is, a follower.

I have realized I am not made to live this luxurious life. No, this is not how I was created to live. I was created to live a simple life. Relying purely on my God and giving until I have nothing left to give.

I think about the child with nothing to eat, I am thankful I have food, I want to give that child a good meal.
I think of the father or mother who has to raise his or her kids by themselves. I want to help them, give them hope, encouragement, and an extra hand when needed.
I think of the friend of mine who is missing, who no one knows where he is and tears stream down my face wanting nothing more than for him to be brought home safely and soon.

These are just a few of the things that break my heart and a few of the things I know the Lord can use me in. I always wonder why I have so much (might not look like a lot, but to someone who has nothing, it looks like loads.) then God showed me He gave me much, so I can share with those who have little. No, I cannot do everything. That would be silly to think, but I can do way more than I am doing right now. Thinking of all I could be helping I see I am wasting my life. I can share Jesus with the people I help. Be-friend the people that everyone thinks is "lowly", "uncool", or "filthy". These people... I can be their friend, I can love them, and most importantly, I can show them Jesus.

These are my hearts desires.. better yet I believe these are my God's desires. I will let Him use me where I am, as I am, for what He wants. My prayer is you do the same. God bless!

Michael Smith Still Missing

2011-09-07T20:28:00.001-05:00

Michael Smith is still missing. If you live in or near Alabama please look out for him.

He was last seen wearing black shoes, black shirt, black shorts and wearing a black hat. Michael is approximately 5'8" - 5'9" and weighs about 130 - 140 lbs. He has dark brown hair. Michael has a tattoo on his right chest of a Green Swamp Monster with a Golden 3 Point Crown. Please share this information and help us bring Michael home.

Please continue to pray for him, that he will be brought home soon, and for his family who are beyond worried and stressed. Thank you! Click here to go to Michael's fb page for updates. God bless!

Missing Friend: Please Help!!

2011-09-03T09:43:00.005-05:00

This is Michael Smith (pictured with his mom). He is my friend and he is missing. He went missing in the Madison area of Alabama. He is from Trussville (where he lives) and has been missing for two weeks tomorrow.

He is 19 years old. He and his dad got in an argument over him using his dad's truck to go back to Trussville. He was last seen walking down a highway in Madison County. That was the last time he was seen.

Please help spread the word to anyone who may live in Alabama or Georgia that he is missing. You can call Madison police at (256) 722-7190 or Trussville police at (205) 655-2101. Also prayers are very much appreciated. Pray for his safety and that he will return home soon. Thank you so much! God bless!

Beautiful, Satisfying Father

2011-09-01T19:05:00.001-05:00

Got to write a psalm with my church last night.. thought I'd share. :)

Lord, You are more beautiful than the most gorgeous place on earth.

You are more satisfying than the coolest drink of water to a dry parched land.

You are brighter than the sun on the hottest day.

You are greater and deeper than the tallest mountain or the deepest ocean.

You are mine forever and I am Yours completely.

I encourage you to sit down, maybe go check out Psalm 84 and then write your own psalm. Or poem. Or song... rap. Whatever. Just write something to the glory of God!!! Love you all!! Be blessed!! :)

Completely

2011-08-26T22:34:00.000-05:00

So this week was very interesting... and intense. And not in a good way. Ha! It was one of those weeks where at the end of it you're thankful to still be somewhat sane (lol!) and alive. God is good all the time! :)

So throughout all the trials of this week; the battle's both in my mind and the world, my joy seemed to be gone for a little bit. I didn't understand. I thought surely my faith in the Lord was stronger than a few tiny issues but I have realized that my faith needs to be much, much stronger (there is always room for improvement and growth). Anywho, so my joy was not there and I was praying asking God why my joy seemed to be gone and then I remembered something my pastor said a few weeks ago, "When you are living in sin or have refused to give something over to the Lord the first thing He will do is take away your joy." You might disagree with that, but I agree fully. And so I began thinking and it didn't take too long for me to realize that indeed there were a couple things I hadn't given over to the Lord.

Once I figured out what was going on, I then became very upset with myself and very angry. How is it that even when we know God loves us so much and gave His Son up for us that we still continue to live lives that aren't pleasing to Him? I thought about that for a while and you know what God showed me? Two things, the first was this verse...

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." -Romans 8:1 (emphasis mine)

and the second thing was God showed me that sometimes I think of His love as human love. Finite, conditional, only happy when you do everything exactly as you should. That made me cry. Then, He told me, "I love you. No matter what you do, how you live, how messed up you are, I love you. I am disappointed and hurt when you choose another path other than mine because I know that it will only lead you further away from Me and that's not what I want for you." That also made me cry. Haha :)

What I want to remind you is God loves you. Read that again. God loves you. Believe it, because its the truth. He loves you just as you are and He doesn't care what you have done in your past. He wants you right. now. In this very moment. Give your life to Him, stop living in the land of tomorrow. He will change you in the best of ways and you'll live life how it was meant to be lived. Give yourself completely to Him and let Him have His way, His ways are far better than our own. :) God bless you!

Good song by Ana Laura.. thought it went well with the post. :)

NOT Perfect, Just Forgiven

2011-08-15T10:49:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I am foolish and plain stupid. Yes, this is true.
Sometimes I say "crap" or "freaking".
Sometimes I make a joke that ends up hurting someone's feelings.
Sometimes I am too busy looking at the speck in my brothers eye to see the plank in my own. (Matthew 7:3)
Sometimes I am selfish and greedy.
Sometimes I let my actions do the talking and the words they say are not the right ones in God's eyes.
Sometimes I gossip about people.
Sometimes I am stinking hot mess and need God to help me out before I have an emotional breakdown. ;)

These are just a few of the things that I do that are not right. In the words of Paul,

"For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do." - Romans 15:18-19

That's my life. I say all these things not to make it sound like they are okay, or that they can be overlooked and not dealt with, but to say that I am NOT perfect, just FORGIVEN. I am not saved by my works or the things I can do (cuz honestly I can do nothing apart from Christ), but to say that is is by God's grace that I am saved and forgiven.

My prayer is you know that too. That no matter what you've done, if you repent He is just and faithful to forgive you (that's what His Word says!) And that you will see that even when you mess up, even when you try to work your way to Him, its okay. You must know you can't work your way to God. If you believed that, you need to forget it and ask God's forgiveness because you simply cannot work your way to the Father. He loves you just as you are. How Awesome is that?! He loves you just as you are. He will change you, you don't have to force it. Let God do what He does best. Let Him love you and shape you into His image each day. God bless you. :)

Asking Forgiveness...

2011-08-10T21:11:00.001-05:00

So I have had an amazing week so far!! God is good and life is pretty fantastic as well. :) I'd like to share on some things that God has dealt with me on and share an experience that really changed me and my life for the better. :)

So Sunday night I was praying about what some things might be in my life that are hindering my relationship with the Lord and immediately He brought a few people to my mind. See, I got angry at someone a while back and in my mind I thought the best way to get back at that person was to completely diss his friends (that were also my friends) and get them out of my life. Yes, that was so wrong. Anyways, so I was asking God what He wanted me to do and He said, ask forgiveness. So I asked His forgiveness and then.. then came the hard part, asking other people's forgiveness.

I had decided that the next day I would start talking to these people and ask forgiveness for the wrong I had done. And then I decided to open the book I'm reading right now and (this is so Jesus!!!) the entire chapter was on asking others for forgiveness. God is good all the time! Amen?! :) I was just like wow, this is stinking awesome that God would tell me this and just to confirm it He would say, "Read this."

The next day, as I was dreading it all, I asked the people I had wronged for forgiveness. In my mind I was thinking they would not accept, stay angry at me forever, and never talk to me again much less want to be friends. Turns out I have some really amazing people with forgiving hearts in my life because all of them said they accepted my apology and would like to be friends. This is the best case scenario I know. I thank God for that, but I also know that sometimes people won't accept your apology and you have to deal with that too. But that's a different topic for a different day.

This is a testament of how faithful God is and how when you're right with Him all our wrongs will be made right by His great love and mercy. My challenge to you is to ask God if there is anyone in your life that you have wronged that you need to ask forgiveness of. At first I was told by several people that certain individuals didn't deserve my forgiveness, that they had never apologized so why should I and blah blah, but the truth is, we don't deserve God's forgiveness. Yet He gives it to us willingly over and over again. Shouldn't we do the same? Yes, we should. May God bless you richly! Keep pursuing Him!!

Check It: Prayer/Heart

2011-08-06T11:03:00.001-05:00

Once a month or every other month I'm gonna try to post something called 'Check It' and there will be a different topic each time on something that you need to (yep you got it) check. :) So this month I'm going to share some thoughts the Lord has given me on prayer or more like problems we have in praying for others and that its the heart behind it that really has the issues. Hope you enjoy.

The other day I was in my room getting ready to say a quick prayer for someone and then this thought came to me, what if people prayed for me the way I pray for them? As soon as it came I knew that was from God. How convicting is that?! How would you feel if someone prayed the same heartless, "let's get this over with" attitude, type prayers? More than that, if your heart isn't in it why do you even pray?

Sometimes I really want to pray for people, I want to see the hand of God moving in their lives and I know prayer is a great way to do that. "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8 Obviously that's proof right there that when we ask God to do something He will (if it's in accordance with His will and plan for life, do remember that), but I can't help but think that the heart behind the prayer matters a lot too. If we pray selfish prayers or half-hearted prayers.. well why should God even answer those? Isn't it enough that He's told us whatever we ask in His name will be given to us? Can't we have a pure heart and ask for those things rightly?

Have you ever gotten on your face and cried out for someone to be healed? Have you ever wanted someone to get saved so bad that you went without meals so that you could dedicate that time to praying for them? No? Yes? Maybe..? If you haven't, I think that shows your heart. I'm not condemning (please don't think that), I'm right there with ya'. Too many times I have claimed that I care for someone, yet I wouldn't sacrifice a thing for them. Nothing. (John 15:13) So then I'm lead to take a long look at myself. Have I allowed God to transform my heart so much so that my love for other people, is the love that He has for them? Or am I still the same selfish person I was before I met Him? Woo... just talking about it convicts me.

What I'm doing is asking. I'm asking God to help me pray prayers that are heartfelt and I'm asking God to help me love people with the same kind of love He loves me with. I want Him to change my heart and make me like Him. That is my heartfelt prayer. What is yours?

"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray, and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear them from Heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

I Want To Live A Simple Life...

2011-08-02T23:00:00.001-05:00

I want to live a simple life.

This has been on my mind for a couple weeks. God has been working a lot in me about how privileged I am. That's not a bad thing. God has blessed me and I thank Him daily (not near as much as I should) for all that He has given me, but my heart has been burdened for those who have very little or nothing at all. I see their faces when I'm online, walking around, and about to go to sleep. I hear in my head, They have little... you have much, what will you give? Will you give at all? Do you even care?

Do I care? I can say I follow Jesus and love Him and want to be His hands and feet, but eventually action must take place. I can say I love Him and love His people but do I really? Does my heart say that? Does my life say that?

Honestly answering... no. My life has not said that. I have much, yet I give little. I dislike many people and I hurt those that love me most. I am broken. I am a sinner. I am a stinking hot mess!! God has forgiven me though. Abba loves me. He has taken care of me when I least deserved it and continues to do so every day.

I want to live a simple life. A life that I give all that I have to Christ and let Him give it to whom He chooses. A life that speaks of His love and shows that love to every single person I come in contact with. A life that mirrors Jesus' so closely that people must know Him, to know me. I want to give everything away to my Abba and if that means giving everything I have to the people around me who have nothing, then let it be so.

I just want to love Him and love others and live a simple life.

Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley

2011-08-02T22:30:00.002-05:00

I'm about half way through (maybe a little more) a book titled 'Enemies of the Heart' by Andy Stanley. God is working with me so mightily through this book. It talks about four enemies of the heart.. anger, guilt, greed, and jealousy. When I first started reading it I thought I might have a problem with one or two of those four things... surely not greed. Can a true follower of Jesus be greedy? Well I have come to learn that yes, I have a problem with all four of these things. Thank God He has shown me this.

As I have been going through this book and answering the questions in the back of the book (there are questions that go with each chapter) I have been broken down. How could I so mindlessly have such an obvious problem with these things and never noticed?

I will let you know what the outcome is when I finish this book, but I would say if you are struggling (maybe you don't even know you are) with any of these things (anger, guilt, greed, or jealousy) you should find this book and read it. Andy Stanley is a wonderful author who is very easy to read while bringing up very hard questions. You will laugh and most likely do some deep thinking while reading this book, but its all for the better of us and the glory of God. God bless you dear brothers and sisters! :)

Note: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishers for reviewing purposes.

Erasing Hell by Francis Chan

2011-07-29T18:36:00.001-05:00

I just finished reading Erasing Hell by Francis Chan and I must say it was one good book. Not an easy read though and here's why.

Hell is not an easy topic. Period. End of story. It's not an easy thing to hear, read, or talk about but yet it vital to each and every person on this earth.

Francis takes you through the beliefs that are true and false about hell and goes in depth with the reader as he talks about where hell is, what it consists of, and who will go there.

While reading it I came to an even greater thankfulness for the love of Christ and the Cross and Abba's grace for His children. I think this book is a necessity for any person (believer and non-believer alike) to read. Why? Because we may think that we are in the Father and know Him, yet Jesus told us in Matthew 7:22-23 that "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name and in Your name drive our demons and in Your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me you evildoers!'" Jesus said many people will think they followed Him and yet have missed it entirely. I don't want that to be me, I don't want that to be you and I pray that God the Father and Jesus Christ reveals to you whether you are a follower of Him or not. And if it be that you are not that you will become a true follower of Jesus Christ. That He reveals Himself to you each and every day of your life.

I encourage you to go find this book and read it. There are questions at the back that go along with the focus in each chapter about hell, answered rather well if you ask me and there are notes after each chapter that will help you see clearer while reading this book. May God bless you abundantly and may we, His children, praise His name.

Sitting Still And Being Quiet...

2011-07-25T20:03:00.000-05:00

I've been growing so much in the Lord and its so amazing!! I've learned that He is my Abba (Daddy), and that He loves me like none other. I'm still getting to know Him and His love, but my prayer life, I would say, has been really good (always room for improvement and growth), but meditation... not so much.

I was thinking over the weekend (really the Holy Spirit was pointing this out to me) that I don't listen as much to Him as I need to. I mean actually taking some time and on purpose sitting quietly in His presence and simply listening. This morning I came across something that was talking about how I spend so much time talking and praying, but not as much time listening to God. I was like, oh my goodness! That's so right and I know that's You Lord! Psalm 46:10,

"He says, "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'"

How many times a week are you actually quiet and still? How many times a month do you sit down and just listen to His voice and what He's telling you? Do you ever just sit there and enjoy His presence? Don't worry, I'm not condemning you at all. I'm asking myself these same questions.

My challenge to you is to spend some time at least once this week just sitting quietly, no ipod (maybe have some worship music playing softly in the background), no phone, no tv, no internet. Just you and the Father and just ask Him to begin to speak to you. Then... listen. I will be doing the same. Can't wait to hear what the Father tells you!! God bless you all.

Jesus More Than a Savior...

2011-07-23T11:41:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine put this on their page yesterday and it really blessed me and challenged me and convicted me. Hope you enjoy. God bless.

Gone, But Not Forgotten...

2011-07-22T18:34:00.000-05:00

Today marks one year since a dear friend (really more like a family member) died. He was my Pops (we weren't blood related, but try telling me and if he were here, him, that. :) I didn't have the privilege to know my grandfather, but this man came into my life when I was 2 and he and his wife were no doubt the most loving, incredible, God - fearing people I have ever met and became second grandparents to me. Tears fills my eyes just thinking about them.

People ask questions like, who is someone who has influenced your life the most? Who has been the most Christ-like example in your life? Those two people always come to mind. I've never seen anybody that when you were going through a tough time, didn't matter what was going on in their life, they would take you under their wing and nurture you.

I remember two years ago, I fell in the bathroom and hit my head really hard. It was 9 o'clock or so at night, my family called them to take me to hospital because no one who could at my house and they told me to come right up. They took me.

I was going on a camping trip and didn't have a sleeping bag to take, guess who went and bought me one without even being asked to? Yep, they did.

Who came to my house and comforted me when my grandmother died just one week after her husband died? She did.

I remember spending countless hours talking with Pops about life, what he's learned throughout it, his views on things, amongst other stuff. I miss those times.

Needless to say they both have shown me the love of the Father and there's no doubt in my mind that one day I will see Pops again in Heaven. So while I'm sad he's gone and he is dearly missed, I am comforted by my Abba knowing its not goodbye forever.

R.I.P. Pops.

If you don't mind, dear brother or sister, please pray for their family on this day especially his wife who is left behind for a short while. Thanks. God bless you all.

Heaven Is For Real

2011-07-19T20:51:00.001-05:00

I finished reading this book last week. I don't know where to begin... it's a really, really good book. Todd Burpo goes through and tells the story of his 4 year old little boy named Colten who says he went to Heaven. What follows will blow. your. mind. Not kidding.

I've heard many people speculate about this book, whether the child did or didn't go to Heaven. Here's my opinion, if God wants to use a 4 year old child to spread His message then He will and can. The things he talks about are Biblically sound and there's no way that a child can know all this unless he has seen it. Personally I believe the whole thing did occur. And God used this book to grow my faith and open my mind.

I ~~really~~.. strongly encourage you to go find this book and read it with an open mind. Pray before you read it and ask God to reveal His Truth to you while reading it. God will change you while you're reading this. Your faith may become more child-like. Let the Father do His work in you. Love y'all! Stay blessed.